


Humble As Dust And Ashes

by Ben_Solo_Good_Boy_Sweater_Emporium



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/M, Force Bond (Star Wars), Happy Ending, Mild Hurt/Comfort, One True Pairing, Post-Star Wars: The Last Jedi, Slow Romance, Talking, The Force Ships It, True Love, Virgin Ben Solo, Virgin Rey (Star Wars)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-12
Updated: 2020-05-23
Packaged: 2021-03-03 05:22:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 24,096
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24149662
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ben_Solo_Good_Boy_Sweater_Emporium/pseuds/Ben_Solo_Good_Boy_Sweater_Emporium
Summary: Canon-divergent from Throne Room scene in TLJ.Ben and Rey have a very different interaction in the Throne Room, and end up stranded together on Crait.
Relationships: Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 174
Kudos: 291





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I've had this "stranded on Crait" idea for quite a while.
> 
> Then I read the Rumi quote that opens the story and Crait became a metaphor for the journey Rey and Ben are on finding their way to each other.
> 
> If you have read my other story, "The Possibility of Being," that piece is written from Ben's POV, with a Han-thread. This story is a Rey POV, with a Leia-thread.

_Would you become a pilgrim on the road of love?_

_The first condition is that you make yourself humble as dust and ashes._

_~Rumi_

_I’m going to die._

It’s the first thing Rey thinks when she opens her eyes.

She is surrounded by fire. The heat is hideous. Her eyes burn and leak from the acrid smoke. Her lungs scream in protest as they try to draw in oxygen that just isn’t there.

Everything hurts. Her left hand won’t seem to work properly. As she shifts and tries to move, she realizes her knee is pinned under a scorching hot piece of metal. The bitter tang of blood coats her teeth and tongue, making her gag.

For a moment, she can’t remember how she got here. She’s dizzy and disoriented. A glass monitor explodes in the flames. Rey jerks back, knocking her head hard against something wedged behind her. The shriek of metal twisting and cleaving is so loud it’s difficult to think.

She can’t panic. She’s been in trouble before. But it’s impossible to get a breath and her vision is starting to blur and darken around the edges. If she can’t get free soon, she’s done.

Over the roar of the fire, the pops and cracks of each gauge shattering, she hears someone frantically calling her name.

_Ben._

Ben is here, too. She remembers now. They are in a shuttle. She was piloting. Ben was in the cabin. Is he trapped or hurt? She tries to call back, to let him know she’s alive and can hear him, but her throat is scorched and only a raw sort of croak comes out.

Reality seems to warp and ripple. Rey thinks she is losing consciousness, but then she understands what is happening. The crush of debris hemming her in begins to expand and split apart. Daylight appears in front of her, and blessed air trickles into her starving lungs. She is able to pull her leg loose just as strong hands clench around her arms and haul her up and back.

She lands hard on what’s left of the cabin floor. There’s pale blue sky visible through a jagged tear in the ceiling. Sparks fall from a smashed electrical panel, but most of the fire is in the cockpit.

Ben looms over her, desperately trying to assess how seriously she is hurt. Blood is smeared on his face. The sleeves of his tunic are singed and smoking, probably from leaning into the fire to get her. He is saying her name, over and over, but she can’t hear him through the ringing in her ears and a wracking cough that makes her roll away and retch.

He slides an arm under her knees and heaves her up with a grunt that vibrates through his chest. His legs aren’t steady; the slicing pain she feels is not hers. Rey tries to grab hold of him but her injured arm is useless. Instead, she buries her face in his neck. The noise and stench drop away for the briefest instant and she is aware only of Ben. She presses the fingers of her good arm into the dark fabric of his tunic and reaches out to him through the Force. She’s not clear enough to form thoughts, but there are things she wants him to know. How grateful she is to be spared such an awful death. How relieved she is not to be alone.

His grip on her arm and leg is so tight they are already starting to feel numb. He maneuvers them to the shuttle hatch. It’s dented badly but still sealed. Rey looks up into Ben’s face as he closes his eyes and concentrates on the door. Beads of sweat roll down from his hair, leaving trails through the blood. She can taste the effort it is costing him just to stand.

She lets go of his tunic and reaches for his hand, wrapped around her leg. The gloves are gone; she knew that, too. Rey threads her fingers through his as best she can, sensing his small jolt of surprise. She leans her forehead against his cheek and wills all of her remaining energy into merging with his. The barest trace of a sigh escapes him. She feels it on her skin.

There is a twang and a hiss and the hatch blows backward, opening the shuttle to the world beyond.

The last thing Rey thinks before she slips into nothingness is—

 _We’re going to live_.


	2. Chapter 2

She has no idea how much time has passed when she finally opens her eyes.

There are rocks digging into her back. She’s lying on the ground, but something soft is supporting her head. It’s Ben’s tunic. Even under the wafts of ozone and smoke, there is no mistaking his scent.

Rey doesn’t think she can get up yet, but she can turn her head enough to examine her surroundings. She’s outside, and it’s hot, but she is lying in the shade cast by an immense cliff rising behind her. Under her hands, the ground is covered with a dry layer of grainy crystals. From the sharp, briny taste of the air, she guesses these are some kind of salt.

A small stack of metal containers sits next to her. She doesn’t recognize them. Ben is nowhere to be seen. He’s nearby, though; she can feel his presence in her mind. It soothes her.

There’s a loud report in the distance, something rupturing violently. Rey lifts her head enough to see the shuttle, half-buried in the ground against the horizon. It’s hard to judge precisely how far away it is. In front of her stretches a seemingly infinite plain, featureless and white.

The ship is still burning. A column of smoke rises into the sky, blending with the clouds. The sun must be behind the cliffs, but its reflection off the landscape is nearly blinding.

Ben is coming toward her, limping and carrying a rectangular crate. Under the tunic he has left with her, he was wearing a looser knit shirt. It’s black, of course. She has a foolish urge to laugh.

He must sense she’s awake, because he looks straight at her. She feels something ease inside him. When he finally reaches the cliff, he drops down heavily, resting his back against its rock face. He doesn’t talk at first. His eyes are closed and she wonders if he is in more discomfort than he is letting her see.

“Where are we?” she asks. Her voice sounds terrible, raspy and harsh.

“No idea,” he says softly.

“How long have I been out?”

“Not long.”

She tries to lift herself, to get a better look around and sit beside him. But she’s forgotten about her injured hand and it won’t hold her weight. She can’t stop the whimper that escapes her.

“Easy,” he cautions. He takes her hand, moves it carefully. “It’s not broken, but it’s badly sprained.” He uses his discarded belt to fashion a sling. His fingers are hot where he pushes her hair aside to fasten the clasp.

“When we find shelter,” he continues, “we can do a more thorough job. I’ve got basic medical supplies. This will serve for now.”

“Is that what’s in the cases?” she asks, glancing back over her shoulder at him. She hasn’t realized how close this will bring their faces together. He stares at her for a moment, eyes darting to her lips and back, then nods.

A high-pitched scream breaks the silence. Flaming wreckage hurtles out of the sky and slams into the plain out beyond the shuttle. The impact is significant enough that they feel the tremor. A cloud is kicked high but it’s red, not white, as if the planet is bleeding from its wound.

“How far away would you say that was?” Rey asks apprehensively.

“Hard to estimate. The shuttle is about five hundred meters out. Too close, whatever the distance. That’s not the first one that’s come down while you were asleep.” Ben points up, far to their right. Rey can just make out the irregularly-shaped pieces of what used to be the _Supremacy_. It’s the only one of the First Order ships large enough to be visible from the planet’s surface.

“They’re too far off to orbit. We’re spinning away from them. But the scrap keeps breaking atmo. The bigger pieces are making it to the ground.”

“Any sign of…anyone else?” she asks. The question provokes so much hostility in him that the skin on the back of her neck prickles uncomfortably.

“No,” he answers shortly. “No sentient life in any direction.”

“But we know the transports were headed here. Maybe there’s a base.”

“Or maybe there isn’t. Maybe the Resistance was out of fuel and ideas, and this hellhole was their only option. For all we know, the final transport was destroyed before it ever made planetfall.”

“You know that’s not true. She’s alive. We’d both sense it if she weren’t.” Rey can’t bring herself to look at Ben as she mentions his mother. She focuses instead on flicking dried flakes of blood from her knuckles.

“Even if she made it, and even if there is a base, we have no idea how large this planet is. We could be on opposite poles. Without any scanning technology or communication equipment, there’s no way to know. Can you walk?” he demands abruptly.

“I think so. Where do you propose to go?”

“There’s a canyon or ravine leading into this range. I could see it from the shuttle. We’ll have to cover quite a distance to reach it. Better to start now while there’s plenty of daylight.”

“You think that’s the best course of action?”

“You care to propose another?” She can’t tell if he is bad-tempered because of his injury or their predicament. Possibly both.

“I just thought we might want to stay close to the ship. For shelter or parts.” As if mocking her suggestion, the viewport on the front of the shuttle blows apart with spectacular ferocity.

“When that ship finishes burning, the only function it will serve is as a giant arrow, pointing the First Order to our location,” Ben spits, face spasming as he stands. “We need to put as much distance between it and us as we can manage, and quickly.”

He reaches out a hand to pull her to her feet. His touch is gentle, even if his eyes are hard.

“Your leg is hurt,” she observes.

“We need to move.” With the slightest gesture of his hand, the stack of crates lifts off the ground and glides beside him toward the canyon. He’s not looking back.

“You’ll have to teach me how to do that,” she calls.

“I appear to have an unexpected amount of free time in my future,” he snaps back.  
  


~~~~~  
  


It takes them a few hours to find the passage. It’s unclear from their vantage point whether they are venturing into a mountain range, or some kind of massive plateau abutting the salt flats. Rey can still see the smoke drifting from the shuttle, but the remains of the _Supremacy_ have long since slipped over the rim of the world.

They haven’t spoken for ages. They’re both tired and battered, and Ben is upset, though he hasn’t explained why. Once they reach the mouth of the ravine, they silently agree to rest and regroup.

Ben opens one of the crates and produces a cylinder, which he holds out without comment. The water inside is warm and stale, but Rey is thankful for the way it soothes her torn throat.

“What’s wrong with your leg?” She’s been watching him move, trying to figure out if he has a sprained ankle or a broken bone. She can’t believe even he could walk this far if a bone was broken.

He seems to be weighing whether it’s worth the argument they will have if he puts her off. Rey scowls and that decides the question. He tugs the fabric of his pants away from the top of his boot. There’s a puncture in his calf, clotted with blood.

“ _Stars_ , why didn’t you say anything?” she demands. “How did that happen?”

“Metal rod,” he grimaces, not offering further details.

“And you pulled it out? You’re lucky you didn’t bleed to death!” Rey uses her free hand to open another crate. She rummages through the contents, finding a small bacta pad she can apply to the wound. “Walking all this way—what were you thinking?”

“I was thinking I needed to get you to safety.” His tone suggests she’s ungrateful.

He looks at her warily as she crouches next to his leg, fumbling to unwrap the pad with one functional and one restrained limb.

“Let me do it,” he barks, reaching for the bacta, but she smacks his fingers away.

“You helped me. Let me help you,” she says. He doesn’t argue. She feels him tense, just a little, when her fingers brush his bare skin.

“Are you going to tell me why you’re so mad, or should I guess?” she prompts, keeping her eyes fixed on her task.

“Are you going to tell me how I ended up on this planet?” he retorts.

She takes more time than is strictly necessary to secure the bandages. “What’s the last thing you remember?”

“We were in the Throne Room. We were…talking.” Rey doesn’t miss his pause. “And then there was an impact, a flash of light, and when I came to in the escape shuttle, I was impaled on a metal projectile.”

She sits back on her haunches, regarding him steadily. “We were in the Throne Room. I was waiting for your answer. There was an impact, a flash of light and the entire ship pitched sideways. We were both thrown against that enormous window. I must have blacked out for a bit, and when I opened my eyes, I saw nothing but stars. I thought I was dead, falling through space. But then I realized I was still holding your hand.” Ben flushes, never taking his eyes off her.

“I dragged you to the escape craft. That floating trick would have come in handy. You’re really heavy.” She’s hoping he’ll react in some way, but he’s stone faced, as usual.

“The shuttle was damaged from the start, and piloting through the debris field was a nightmare without shields. I did alright until nearly the end. Something clipped us and took out most of the command controls. We entered the atmosphere going so fast I was sure we were going to burn to a cinder before we ever hit the ground. But we made it,” she finishes with a shrug, reaching for the canister of tepid water to give her hands something to do.

“You forgot the part where you held the ship together with the Force during our freefall out of space,” Ben says quietly. “That’s what woke me up. Channeling that much power should have killed you. You saved both our lives.”

Rey is the one blushing now. “By my count, I’m still down three-to-one against you for the day so…don’t mention it.”

The air is charged between them, humming with newborn possibility. It is terrifying and exhilarating, in equal measure.  
  



	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We know they are called [Vulptices](https://starwars.fandom.com/wiki/Vulptex), but Rey and Ben don't.

The temperature drops considerably once the sun sets. Ben insists that Rey keep his tunic. It’s heavy, and much too large for her, but warm. She wears it draped over her shoulders like a cloak.

They’ve been hiking for hours but see no sign of any animal or plant life. Rey has never dreamed that a world more barren than Jakku could exist in the galaxy. Still, it has a kind of wild beauty. Under the slippery surface coating, which Ben agrees is likely salt, the substrate is a vivid red. Through clefts in the canyon walls, they catch glimpses of rich scarlet veins.

“Possibly rhodochrosite, a common mineral,” he speculates. “Whatever it is, it can’t be anything that rare or valuable.” If it were, she understands him to mean, the planet wouldn’t be uninhabited and they would not be stranded here alone.

“How do you know that?” she asks, then wishes she hadn’t. The First Order is no doubt plundering planets of their natural resources across many systems, for purposes she would rather not hear about just now.

He doesn’t answer straightaway and she’s afraid she has guessed correctly, but then he admits, “I studied geology as a boy.”

It’s confusing to imagine him as a child. It makes her feel compassion for him, even tenderness. But just as quickly she remembers that the shy, studious boy who liked geology grew up to murder his father and devastate his mother. She thinks of Han’s killer as Kylo Ren, a lost soul abandoned by his family and groomed by a monster. But the very same person reached out to her across time and space, and promised her she was no longer alone. He murdered the monster and saved her life. She thinks of that man— _this_ man, in front of her—as Ben.

A persistent voice deep inside warns her that the distinction is a lie.

There is only one man, and she will have to reconcile herself to the shadows and light warring inside him, or else push him away completely. The second course may already be impossible.

“We’ll rest here,” he calls softly. He stops walking but Rey isn’t paying attention, and in the gathering dark nearly collides with his back. Ben picks his way carefully off the canyon floor, up a slight incline. There’s a hollow in the rock wall, a small shelter from the elements. He turns back and offers her a hand up the slope. She can’t clearly see his face, but she knows they are both thinking of the same thing.

_Join me. Please._

He begged her to stay with him, back on the _Supremacy_. It seems absurd, laughable, in hindsight. She’s certain he had no plan. Everything happened too quickly. She almost wants to ask him about it, how he intended to explain her to the First Order high command. Did he fancy they would accept her presence without complaint, a desert rat complicit in the assassination of their Supreme Leader? In the shock of his own crime, did Ben really convince himself he could keep her, and the galaxy, too?

The truth is, she was tempted. Not by the idea of sitting on a throne or being his shadow queen. Rey wanted to take his hand. She can tell herself that her only motivation was to lure him away from the enemy, to tip the scales in favor of the Resistance. But that cold calculation fell away as soon as he reached for her.

_“Join me. Please,” he whispered. His gloved hand shook._

_It would be so easy. To grab hold, to let go._

_She inched forward, reaching for his fingertips. He looked dazed._

_Rey pulled on the black fabric, tossing the glove aside. His bare hand was large and warm underneath._

_“I can’t stay here. You know I can’t. But you could come with me.”_

_His face hardened but he made no move to pull away. “I have no intention of joining the Resistance.”_

_“I’m not asking you to. Just leave here. Leave this all behind, like you said. Come away with me. Please, Ben.”_

If there is any moment Rey thinks of with a twinge of shame, it is this last one. She had no more of a plan than he did. She didn’t care what her departure might mean to her new friends or the rebel cause. She only wanted Ben safe. And in that instant, that heartbeat really, she wanted more than anything to be safe with him.

~~~~~  
  


The hollow is just large enough for one of them to lie down.

“Sleep,” Ben commands, in a high-handed tone that irritates her.

“What about you?”

“I’ll keep watch.” He braces himself against the rock wall, between her and the unknown beyond.

“We haven’t seen a single sign of life since we crashed. There may be nothing to guard against.”

“I’d rather not discover we were wrong by getting eaten,” he cracks.

He’s not going to change his mind, and Rey is too tired to keep fighting. She stretches out as best she can on the uneven stone, wrapping herself in the tunic like a blanket.

“Keep your saber close,” he cautions. He has his own laid across his lap.

As exhausted as she is, Rey can’t fall asleep. She keeps still, listening to the steady cadence of Ben’s breath. The land around them is eerily quiet. Jakku seems vibrant by comparison.

_This world is dead,_ she reflects. _Will we die here, too?_

She wonders again about the fate of the Resistance transports. She’s not entirely sure she would know if Leia was dead, despite what she claimed earlier, but Ben certainly would. Holding on to that thought gives her hope.

“What do you think happened up there?” she asks, eyes fixed on a point above her head she cannot see. “To the _Supremacy_?”

“The last I heard, the Resistance was down to a single heavy cruiser. The only explanation I can come up with is that some lunatic decided to commit suicide.”

“You mean someone flew the cruiser through the _Supremacy_ on purpose? Is that even possible?”

“Can you think of another way to split a sixty-kilometer dreadnaught in half, and wipe out a fleet of star destroyers in the process? Because I can’t.”

The indignation in his voice makes her defensive.

“They were trying to survive! You saw the lifeboats. Snoke was picking them off, one by one. Like it was a game to him.”

Ben snorts in derision. “What does a lifeboat hold? Fifty people? Do you know how many served just on the _Supremacy_ , Rey? Over two million.”

She thinks of Finn and is anguished. Then she’s furious.

“As if the First Order gives a damn! They’ll just steal more babies to replace the ones they’ve lost. And how many souls died in the Hosnian system?”

“I had nothing to do with that,” he says quietly. “And I never claimed the First Order cared about collateral damage in its military campaigns. What I’m saying is that it is the height of hypocrisy for the Resistance to present itself as a beacon of goodness and morality in the galaxy, when it casually slaughters millions for its own preservation.”

She can’t believe his gall. “Collateral damage? Is that what you call it when you fly into a sacred village and massacre everyone for no reason?” Word of the destruction of Tuanul reached Niima Outpost before its ashes had cooled.

“I call that following orders. Like it or not, Rey, I served a military organization. I did what I was told to do, to advance its agenda. Just like you ran straight to Skywalker at my mother’s bidding, hoping to recruit thousands more to fight and die in the grand cause of democracy.” His voice is acid. “It would have been a better use of your time to ask my mother how well democracy ever truly functions.”

“I prefer democracy to scraping and bowing to a beast like Snoke,” she shoots back, stung. She’s too livid to hide her contempt. “Did you ever truly believe in him? Or were you always planning to betray him? I honestly don’t know which one is worse.”

The hollow flashes crimson as Ben ignites his saber.

For the span of one mad breath, Rey thinks she’s gone too far and Ben is going to attack her. But he’s not turning around. He stands slowly, peering intently down into the ravine. She can still feel how offended he is and see the tension in the set of his shoulders. But the clear and present threat is not Rey, it’s something she can’t see below him. She calls her saber to hand and scrambles to his side.

Pairs of tiny reflective eyes are shining all along the far end of the canyon. Now that they have stopped arguing, Rey can hear a faint tinkling, like shards of glass tumbling together. She ignites her saber, blue glow joining red against the shadows.

The light doesn’t penetrate far but they can make out their closest visitor. It’s a small, white mammal. Its fur is crusted with salt crystals, which accounts for the vaguely musical sound it makes when it moves. It can’t weigh more than five kilos. A BB unit could probably best it in a fight.

The creature regards them curiously for a moment, then decides against any further interaction. It trots back down the ravine, rejoining its pack. The animals disappear among the rocks, the chiming of their steps quickly fading.

Ben extinguishes his saber. After a while, Rey does the same with hers. Its hum and vibration are comforting, and she is sorry to lose them.

They stand side by side in the darkness.

“I didn’t walk in there intending to betray Snoke. For seven years, I gave him everything I had. Did everything he required of me. Even when he tortured me. Even when he ordered me to kill my own father to prove my worthiness.” There is something blacker and more primal than the night churning hungrily around him as he speaks. It frightens her, and fills her heart with pity.

“So why did you do it?” she whispers.

Ben turns to her. She is almost glad she can’t see his face.

“He hurt you.”

It’s all he says. Rey forgets to breathe.

“Go to sleep,” he orders.

He walks down the hill, leaving her flustered and alone.  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I currently have the first eight chapters finished of this story, but I decided to post in "one day" chunks.


	4. Chapter 4

The sun is climbing by the time Rey stumbles out of the shelter. Ben never woke her to swap places in the middle of the night, which likely means he never slept.

He’s nowhere to be seen but she doesn’t sense he is in any danger. She suspects he is still angry about their argument and keeping his distance.

She rifles through the supply containers he recovered from the shuttle, and eats a ration bar while she tends her wrist. It’s bruised and stiff, but a small application of bacta and a fresh bandage make it feel better. Just as she is starting to worry, Ben finally appears, climbing over a rocky outcropping farther down the ravine.

“Morning.” She holds out a bar and the water canister as a peace offering. “How’s your leg?”

“Fine,” he says, taking the food with a small nod of acknowledgement. “Your wrist?”

“Fine. Did you sleep at all?” He shakes his head.

“So, what’s the plan? How long do you think you can last without sleep?”

He chews the bar savagely. It’s clearly not to his liking.

“We know now there’s animal life on this planet, at least in this region,” he begins. “That means there must be food and water sources of some kind to support that population. I assume from the heat and dryness that it’s summer here. We may have to look underground for water. Or further inland for vegetation. Maybe we’re too close to the salt plain, I don’t know. Those little mammals can’t range more than a few dozen kilometers in a given day.”

“That doesn’t answer my—”

“I’m getting to that,” he interrupts. “I propose that we continue to head inland, following the canyon as far as we can take it. Unless a better route presents itself, obviously. We look carefully for any sign of the animals, anything that may point us particularly to water. Maybe they’re nocturnal. Possibly they were just scared away yesterday by all the explosions and flaming metal dropping from the sky.”

“I wonder what they eat,” Rey muses, picturing their strange, crystalline fur.

“The more relevant question may be, what do they taste like? Which you and I will likely be learning very soon,” Ben quips, tossing the canister back into its case. “I’m betting the answer is _salty_.”

Rey gives him a small smile. He very nearly smiles back. She takes that as a sign of détente between them.

“We didn’t get very far yesterday. I’d feel better if we put more distance between us and the shuttle,” Ben says. “I suggest we walk for a few hours and when the midday heat gets intense, we stop and rest. I’ll get some sleep and you can keep watch from the shade. That way we conserve water, too.”

“It’s a solid plan,” she concedes. “But when you say ‘I propose’ and ‘I suggest’ it almost sounds like you’re putting it to a vote. It’s just…dangerously democratic of you.”

Maybe it’s too soon after their fight, and she shouldn’t tease. But she can’t help wanting to lighten the mood between them. As bleak as their situation is, she feels almost optimistic sitting here in the summer sunshine.

“Switch off,” he retorts mildly, but she thinks she sees him smirk as he stands.  
  


~~~~~

  
They’ve been walking for an hour when Rey notices the rivulets of salt crystals chasing along the canyon edges by her feet. A current of air is stirring, pushing on her back with increasing pressure and making damp strands of hair curl into her face. It’s the first real wind since they crashed.

The breeze feels good on her skin, cooling the sweat gathered there. But something makes her stop walking. The sound of the world around her is changing, and she is suddenly alert to danger.

“What’s wrong?” Ben calls immediately, though he is thirty paces ahead of her, scouting the path forward with his companion tower of crates.

On Jakku, the Teedos worship a vengeful god named R’iia, whom they believe to be the source of all storms and miseries in the desert. They call the longest and most devastating gales X’us’R’iia, literally _R’iaa’s Breath_.

When Rey looks back up the canyon toward the flats, and sees the dense, grey clouds on the horizon, the sheets of salt hurtling across the plain toward them, she whispers in horror, “X’us’R’iia.” Then she runs as fast as she can toward Ben, looking frantically for any kind of shelter they can reach before the world is scoured bare.

By some mercy of fate, Ben has tethered the supplies together with his belt now that Rey no longer needs it. He grabs the tower with one hand, Rey with the other, and they fly up the rocky bed in search of cover. The sun is shining overhead, but they can hear the ferocity of the storm as it draws closer.

“There!” she yells, pointing to a small opening further along the ravine. It’s a meter or two above ground level, hard to judge from this distance while running. They won’t be able to check it thoroughly. Rey reaches out with the Force and doesn’t detect any life inside. That’s all she has time to do before Ben is heaving her and the crates up into the gap. She grabs his arms, pulls as hard as she can—her wrist screams in protest—and he lands on top of her as an ear-splitting wall of white barrels past.

The sun is gone instantly. Salt pours inside, driven by the furious wind. It ricochets off the walls with startling strength. Ben knocks the crates sideways to act as a barrier, resulting in a rapid-fire staccato of crystals careening into metal.

The stone ceiling is not high enough to allow them to stand. Instead, they back into the deepest corner. Ben pushes her next to the wall, and positions himself as best he can between her and the storm. She unknots the dusty tunic, tied around her waist during their trek, and throws it over both of them. The quilted fabric is heavy enough to offer a tiny bubble of protected space in the midst of the chaos.

Her heart is pounding, adrenaline coursing through her body. It’s stifling under the tunic. The air is so brackish she feels nauseous. She has an overwhelming urge to cry.

Ben squeezes her arm reassuringly, careful to avoid her throbbing wrist. He leans in so she can hear him over the din. His mouth brushes the lobe of her ear, making her shiver.

“The next time you invite me to run away with you, I may have to politely decline.”

He carefully lifts each damp strand of hair off her forehead and presses his lips against her skin. The music of the Force ripples out, louder even than the maelstrom. Rey swallows her misery and focuses only on the calm that washes over her. As awful as this place is, it is where she is meant to be.  
  


~~~~~

  
Ben nods off after a while. He’s been awake for days and the sound of the storm takes on a droning, monotonous quality that is surprisingly conducive to sleep. Rey shifts him carefully until he is settled with his head in her lap. He makes a small huff of contentment when she traces a finger across his cheek.

On Jakku, a sandstorm can last three days or more. Rey thinks of her abandoned home, the AT-AT she salvaged and defended with her life. No doubt other scavengers have already picked its carcass clean, since she is not there to tend the traps. What do they make of the tiny treasures she left behind, her helmet or her doll? She can hardly believe she has said goodbye to that place forever, that the once-pretty spinebarrel flower she found in the Goazon Badlands is not waiting for her still, drooping from a cracked pipe fitting.

Ben’s weight is comforting. He snores faintly. She can’t help but smile the first time he does it. It’s so unexpectedly normal, such a perfectly mundane thing for a person to do. Like collecting rocks when you’re small.

Her thoughts drift as she dozes in and out of wakefulness.

_She’s standing at a railing, looking out over a lake. It’s reminds her of Takodana. Everywhere green things are growing. The air is sweet with the scent of flowers. This world is vibrantly alive, the total opposite of the one they are trapped on._

_Ben is beside her._

_“What is this place?” she asks._

_“The Lake Country on Naboo. I visited once as a boy. No one told me at the time, but this place belonged to my grandmother. She was queen of this world.”_

_“It’s beautiful,” Rey breathes._

_He gazes at her with sad eyes. “This is what I wanted for you. To give you this. No more starving, no more scrambling every day just to stay alive. I would have made you a queen.”_

_She needs him to understand. “I don’t want to be a queen, Ben. I never wanted that.”_

_He sidles closer as if he means to touch her, but stops short, lips hovering a breath above hers. “What do you want, Rey?”_

Her eyes fly open. The storm is still howling through the canyon, though it seems to be slowing. It’s stuffy and dim in their shelter. They have both moved in sleep. She’s wrapped around Ben, his face resting in the curve of her neck. She feels him wake up. He draws a shaky breath.

Did they really just share a dream?

“Sorry,” she murmurs. She’s self-conscious, though she can’t say precisely why.

“For what?”

Maybe she’s wrong. Maybe it was entirely her dream and she shouldn’t say anything.

“I, uh…I’m sure I smell like a happabore,” she offers weakly.

He actually chuckles. “I’m sure I don’t care.”

“Ben—” she begins, but he pulls back just enough to look at her.

“You didn’t answer my question,” he says softly. Her heart stutters.

Rey has never kissed anyone. She knows the general mechanics of it. She’s seen things on the fringes of Niima Outpost, most she wishes she hadn’t. The idea of mashing your face against another person has always struck her as strange and a bit disgusting.

She decides it’s time to find out.

Lightning fast, she presses her lips hard against his. Then she pulls back just as quickly. They separate with a mortifying little _smack_. She isn’t sure what to do next, so she just stares at him, her breath coming in short, anxious bursts.

Ben is frozen in shock for a moment. Then he wraps his hand around her neck and drags her back to his mouth.

The second kiss is very different from the first. It _is_ strange, to be so close to someone that you share the same breath. But it is certainly not disgusting. His lips are soft, and when Rey threads her fingers through his hair, Ben makes a sound that sends little static charges shivering all through her. It’s like nothing she has ever imagined.

He’s kissing her so slowly and carefully, as though she’s spun from glass. The Force flows around them, bright and vivid. There’s something else, too, skirting the edges of her consciousness. A wildness. A hunger. It’s intoxicating. It gives depth and dimension to the other emotions, like shadows in a picture. She knows Ben can feel it. It’s almost as if he is holding it at bay.

She isn’t sure what possesses her to slip her tongue shyly against his, but the next thing she knows, he is on top of her and the velvety blackness billows and swells, relentless as the storm outside. She is alive with need for things she can’t name. Ben reaches for her hands—

“Ow!” she squeaks, wrist stinging.

He jumps back as suddenly as if she has slapped him. His hair is tousled; his mouth is dark and wet from her kisses. Her stomach twists in satisfaction. Wild and wanting currents of energy stretch out, desperate to pull him back.

“I’m sorry,” he mutters. “I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

“It’s just my wrist. It doesn’t matter.” If he doesn’t touch her again, she will burn to embers right here in this Force-forsaken cave.

He runs a hand over his face, brushes back the unruly hair.

 _I did that_ , Rey thinks, with a burst of desire so feral and possessive she startles herself.

“It does matter. This isn’t…it’s not how I wanted…”

They both realize two things simultaneously. The first is that the storm has ended. The second is that in the quiet, they can hear the clinking of the creatures they hope will lead them to water.

It’s late in the day, but not yet nightfall. Their water supplies are dwindling. If they don’t follow the pack now, they may not get another chance until it’s too late.

“We should go,” Ben says shortly, grabbing for his tunic and righting the tipped crates.

“But—”

“There’s no time, Rey.” He’s already moving to leave.

“Wait, dammit!” she demands, scrambling up after him. “You can’t just….”

He looks at her with such naked longing that the sparks flare again under her skin. Then he reaches for her bandaged arm, kissing the injury and her palm.

“Later,” he whispers. “I promise.”


	5. Chapter 5

They shadow the pack deeper into the range.

Ben is able to mask their presence through the Force, so the animals aren’t startled into running away. The creatures seem to lick the stone walls wherever they are tinted a pale orange. Rey guesses it is some species of lichen they consume for nutrients. It can’t be terribly filling.

After hours of tracking, and with dusk falling, they are on the verge of giving up when the pack rounds a slide of boulders in the path and disappears.

“It’s another gorge,” Ben reports quietly. “It branches off to the left. Come on.”

The ground gets stonier and more challenging to navigate. The animals have clambered ahead and are hard to see, but their distinctive sound drifts back clearly on the evening air.

“What I wouldn’t give for this _kriffing_ planet to have a single _kriffing_ moon,” Ben snarls under his breath.

“Should we stop for the night?” Rey asks. It’s an innocent question, but she blushes regardless. What will happen when they finally stop running?

“Wait.” He holds out an arm to prevent her going farther. A few meters ahead there is a large cleft in the cliff face. The mammals are disappearing through it, one after another.

“Should we follow them?”

“I don’t sense any other life forms, do you?”

Rey shakes her head. Ben’s presence in the Force is arresting, and the only other one she can feel nearby.

“We need shelter for the night anyway. Stay close to me,” he warns, casting her a lingering look that cuts her breath short.

They pass cautiously through the opening, igniting their sabers for light as they go. The stone passage is narrow at first, but widens out as the ground drops more steeply. Rey notices that the rock is shot through with dark bands of the same red minerals they saw before. Their own reflections shine back at them.

At the bottom of the incline, the walls end. Ben steps out first and she feels his reaction through their bond. It’s a rush of emotion, something like wonder. When she steps out from behind him and takes in the view, she understands completely.

The light of their sabers doesn’t cast far, but it’s clear that they are in an enormous cavern. Every surface glitters blood red. Stalactites and stalagmites of the lovely, faceted material join to form endless rows of columns. The air is warmer and softer. Beyond their field of vision, they hear the fading tinkle of the pack as it is swallowed by the immense space.

“If I’m right, and this is rhodochrosite, it’s a hydrothermal vein mineral. That means an underground water source. Do you feel how much more humid it is here than outside?”

She can feel it. Something in Ben’s voice—relief, perhaps, that things are going their way for once—lifts her spirits.

“Now _this_ is a room fit for a queen,” she says brightly. “And I imagine the color scheme suits you.”

He smiles at her. A real, brilliant smile. As casually as if they have done it every day of their lives, he kisses her, bathed in the glow of their lightsabers. It’s more than a little frightening how quickly she has come to depend on his company, his affection.

~~~~~

Since they both slept most of the day, there is no reason to stop. They follow the direction taken by the animals.

“Have you given any thought to what comes next?” Rey asks, skidding down the far side of a large boulder blocking the path. “Assuming we find water, and assuming those creatures are…edible.”

The little mammals are rather endearing, with their inquisitive expressions and pleasant-sounding pelts. The idea of eating one for breakfast is not at all appealing to her. But Rey knows what starvation feels like, and how quickly most qualms are overcome in the face of it.

“Those are two large assumptions. Even if we find water here, it won’t be potable. Rhodochrosite is filled with lead. Fine to touch but not to drink. We’ll have to trace the water back to its source outside this cavern. That could take days of walking—if we’re lucky enough to find it at all.”

“Very cheerful.”

“Realistic. You grew up on Jakku. If anyone can survive this world, it’s you.”

“You’re doing alright. You’re more comfortable out of doors than I would have guessed. And I wouldn’t have known anything about these minerals. Or about doing that.” She motions to the blazes Ben has been cutting with his saber as they make their way forward.

“You never marked a trail while you were salvaging a star destroyer?”

“Not really. To be fair, the wrecks are mostly open shells. And it’s not work I would ever attempt in the dark of night. As long as I could see sky, I could get out.”

“If we’re still in here when the sun comes up, I’m sure the light will find a way in. This stone is riddled with fissures.”

“How do you know so much about surviving in the wild? Is that something else you did as a boy?” Her tone is relaxed, but his mood darkens noticeably. Too late it occurs to her that the answer most likely involves childhood adventures with his father, or possibly his Jedi training with Luke Skywalker. Either memory is certain to leave him angry and guarded.

“Sorry, if you don’t want to talk about—”

Ben slashes a blaze in the nearest stone. He’s looking anywhere but at her.

“One of Snoke’s favorite sayings was, _pain is instructive_. He liked to torture people under the guise of education and self-improvement. When I joined the First Order, he would take me to some uninhabited planet and leave me there with nothing. See how long I could survive.”

Rey is so horrified she doesn’t know how to respond. “How many…?”

“Who knows?”

She has the strong impression he does know the precise number, he just doesn’t want to admit it.

“What kinds of planets?”

His tone is almost indifferent. “A jungle, an ice planet, a swamp, a desert. One was covered with plants and insects the size of TIE fighters.”

“And he left you there with nothing? Not even your weapon?”

Ben shakes his head. Outwardly, he’s acting as if it’s a matter of no importance. But Rey can taste the rage he’s trying to hide from her.

“He said I had no right to the honor of protecting his life unless I could prove myself useful by saving my own, much less valuable, one.”

“And I thought Unkar Plutt was garbage,” she hisses in disbelief. “Ben, hang on.”

She grabs his arm as he starts to climb the next mound of lustrous crystals barring their way. She extinguishers her saber and takes his free hand in both of hers.

“I know what it’s like to be abused by someone who has the power of life and death over you. How helpless you feel. How much you despise yourself for not fighting back, even though you know you’d never win. I’m sorry. Truly. If it means anything, your life is precious to me.”

He looks at her like he did in the firelight of Ahch-To, as though his body can’t contain all the emotions crashing through him. His eyes are glassy in the glow of the saber. Rey presses her lips softly on the corner of his mouth. The fingers he rests against the curve of her back are trembling. They stand, foreheads pressed together, until his hands are steady again.

~~~~~

“What was your most prized possession on Jakku?”

“You mean, something I owned just for pleasure?” That distinction narrows her choices considerably. “Probably a flight helmet I found in the Graveyard. It belonged to ‘Captain Dosmit Ræh of the Tierfon Yellow Aces.’ I wore it all the time when I was little, wondering who she was and whether she survived the battle. I even made a doll from bits of scrap.”

“Her name was Ræh?” he asks, confused.

She sighs. “I’ve wondered that, too.”

“Wondered what?”

“If Rey isn’t my birth name. If I started calling myself that, or someone else called me that because of the helmet. I don’t know. I don’t remember anything before Jakku.”

“I’m sorry—”

“No, it’s fine, honestly. My turn. Best ship you’ve ever flown?”

“The _Grimtaash_ ,” he answers quickly. “I mean, the ship itself was a piece of junk. But it was mine.”

“Did you name it?”

He nods.

“What does it mean?”

“It’s an Alderaanian legend. The Grimtaash is said to protect the royal family from treachery.” He adds, almost apologetically, “General Organa was born a princess of Alderaan.”

“I think I remember hearing that,” Rey says. “It’s a very…romantic sort of name.”

Ben’s only response is a noncommittal grunt.

They’ve been hiking so long through the cavern that overhead, areas of lighter sky are visible through the gaps and crevices. There’s no sign of the pack, or any other stirring of life. To pass the time, they’ve started trading stories. Rey is amazed at how familiar things are between them.

“My turn. Why do you want to be a Jedi?”

“I don’t know that I do. I really don’t know much of anything about it. I think it’s fair to say that Luke and I did _not_ get on.”

Ben chuckles darkly. “The zealot who tried to murder me in my sleep and then lived as a hermit for seven years wasn’t friendly? I’m shocked.”

“Hilarious,” she mutters. “Really witty.”

“I’m curious, what exactly did he say after he found us together?”

“He ordered me to leave his island. Not very nicely, I might add.”

“And?”

“And…we had a rather unpleasant encounter.”

“What does that mean?”

“It means, I demanded that he tell me the truth about what he did to you.”

Ben stops walking. “And did he?”  
  
“Yes,” she tells him. “He admitted everything. He claims it was a fleeting moment of doubt and weakness. He’s ashamed of what he did.”

He looks affected by what she’s told him, and somehow younger for that vulnerability. But then his defensiveness flares. “I’m sure he is.”

“He told me he failed you, Ben. He said other things, too. About your parents. I think…I know part of the reason he exiled himself was because he was too full of shame and regret to face them again.”

“It doesn’t matter anymore,” he insists. “The past is dead.”

“No, it isn’t,” she argues gently. “What he did to you, and all the things you’ve done since, they’re all with you every day. Just like my past is always with me. I can tell myself that it doesn’t matter, that I know who I am inside, but I don’t. Not really. I don’t know when I was born, or where. I don’t know anything about my parents. I’m not even sure I know my own name. That pain isn’t something you can just kill, Ben. I suppose it’s something you learn to carry.”

He looks up at the ceiling of the cave. “I always wondered what he told them. My parents.” He chokes the word out. “I can’t believe he told you so easily.”

“I wouldn’t say easily. I had to knock him down with a lightsaber first.”

He’s astonished. “What?”

“He wouldn’t answer me,” she responds with a shrug. “And he wouldn’t stop walking away from me when I asked him to. Repeatedly. It was very rude.”

Ben looks at her as if he is truly seeing her for the first time. “You fought Luke Skywalker. With a lightsaber. For me.” He steps closer. “Then you risked your life coming aboard the _Supremacy_. For me.”

Her throat is tight. “I told you. You matter to me.”

“Why?” he asks. His confusion is genuine.

“I don’t completely understand it myself,” Rey admits. “But I trust it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Who has two thumbs and spent waaaay too much time researching mineralogy to write a story about space wizards kissing? THIS guy.
> 
> End of "day two."
> 
> ETA: Above is the best image I could find online of the rhodochrosite caverns of Crait from TLJ.


	6. Chapter 6

“It’s enormous,” Rey squeaks. “What are we going to do?”

“We’ll figure something out,” Ben reassures her. “We’ve gotten this far, haven’t we?”

Sunlight is spilling down around them as they stand on the crest of a mineral ridge. After walking all night, they have finally found a water source—a lake that stretches the entire width of the cavern in front of them. There is no obvious way to skirt it.

“So this water isn’t drinkable?”

“I wouldn’t risk it.”

“Then we have a decision to make, because we’re running out of water that _is_ drinkable. Either we spend valuable time trying to cross, or we turn around and go back the way we came. It took us half-a-day to get this far into the cave. Half-a-day back and we’re outside but still without water.”

“Then there’s no decision to be made. Retracing our steps gains us nothing. We push forward.”

“I knew you’d say that,” she groans. “Bear in mind that I don’t know how to swim.”

Ben isn’t listening. He is staring raptly at the far side of the lake. He looks wary.

“What is it?”

“I sense something. Deep in the vents. Something old—primeval, maybe. It’s very far down but it’s there.”

“Does it know we’re here?”

He shakes his head. “It’s not that sophisticated. If we disturb the water, it may respond. Its cognitive functions are very…rudimentary.”

“If we’re going to be fighting some nasty water creature, I need to rest a bit first,” Rey declares wearily, sliding down the ridge, away from the lake. She’s already stretched out and munching a ration bar by the time he catches up.

“What happened to our little friends, do you think?” she asks, tossing him a bar. “We never saw any obvious way out of here.”

“That doesn’t mean it wasn’t there. If those animals live inside these ranges, they must have evolved excellent night vision. They look flexible enough to navigate tight spaces.”

“They led us on a merry chase. Oh well, I suppose if we’re going to die, I’d rather do it here. At least this is beautiful and peaceful. Not like those horrible salt flats.” A thought crosses her mind. “I wonder if the storm destroyed the shuttle.”

“I hope so,” Ben says emphatically. “I hope there’s nothing left of it but a scorch mark.”

He opens all the metal crates, and begins sorting and consolidating the remaining supplies, to lighten their load before crossing.

Rey rolls on her side toward him, resting her head on her arm. Her wrist only twinges a little now.

“Do you really think the First Order is coming after us? You said something when we crashed, about the ship being an arrow that would point them in our direction.”

“The _Supremacy_ and the fleet looked destroyed, but who knows how many survivors there were? We don’t know what happened to the Resistance—” his face contorts every time he says the word; Rey isn’t sure he even knows he’s doing it, “—or if the First Order pursued them to the surface. Our escape shuttle undoubtedly had a tracker. Did you disable it?” Rey shakes her head with a guilty look. “Then the question is, did anyone discover what happened in the Throne Room? If not, you and I are just numbers on a casualty report. If so, you can be sure Hux or whoever is left alive will stop at nothing to find Snoke’s assassins.”

“Even if some of the transports made it here, the Resistance won’t be looking for me. Chewbacca will have told them he dropped me at the _Supremacy_. They’ll assume I’m dead.” She thinks of Finn, mourning her loss. He and Chewie would be the only ones to care if she were dead. She doesn’t know anyone else in the Resistance.

“Pray the First Order makes the same assumption. It will make our lives quite a bit easier if they do.”

He has managed to reduce the four-crate tower of supplies down to the three smallest containers. These he carefully ties together with his belt, then fashions the strap so he can wear them like a pack.

“How’s your leg?” They’ve been hiking over rough terrain for the better part of two days, not ideal conditions for healing a calf wound.

“May I?” he asks quietly, and when she slides back to make room, he lies down next to her on the padded tunic. “It’s better. Thank you for asking. Again.” His eyes are soft.

“Purely selfish. I need you in fighting trim if there are giant water beasts to battle in our future.”

 _Our future._ The words hang in the air between them.

“Can I ask you something? You never answered me before. In the Throne Room, I mean. I just wondered…if you had the choice, would you have come with me?”

They can’t deceive each other. Their intimate connection in the Force makes it impossible. But she is curious what he will say.

“I don’t know, Rey. I don’t know if I would have had the strength to do it. To give up the chance to be Supreme Leader of the galaxy, to persuade you to stay and rule by my side. But I know when you said, _come away with me_ , it was all I wanted.”

Rey nestles into his side. There’s a lightness in her chest. It’s enough for now.  
  


~~~~~

  
“For the record, I hate this plan.”

“Duly noted. Still waiting for your counter proposal. Again.”

Rey exhales, closing her eyes and trying to find her center. Then she darts forward, leaping into the air. Her own motion is helped along by a phantom push at her back, sending her even higher and farther. She lands gracefully, skidding to a stop in the red dirt.

“Good,” Ben calls, jogging toward her. “I think that should do it.”

The lake is dotted with small outcroppings of minerals. In the absence of any materials to build a boat, Ben has proposed that they use these islands as stepping stones. Comfortable as she is jumping across chasms, Rey has never attempted distances like they will have to traverse. And she’s more than a little leery of ending up in the water, creature or no.

So they’ve spent the afternoon practicing, Ben using his Force abilities to augment Rey’s.

“We should be able to cross in four jumps,” he tells her, as they climb the bank. “This initial one is the widest. I’ll go first, and help you get across from there.”

He checks that his saber and the supplies are secure. Then he backs away from the water’s edge, pacing off the amount of space he will need to get a running start.

“Wait,” Rey urges. Impulsively, she takes his face in her hands and kisses him soundly. “For luck,” she whispers against his lips.

He pushes a stray curl behind her ear. “I’ll see you on the other side,” he says.

Ben runs straight toward the lake, vaulting at the last possible second high into the air. He seems to hang in space longer than gravity should permit, finally arcing down toward the clump of red crystals projecting from the water. Rey hears the impact as he lands, and feels a shiver of pain lance through the bond. She wants to call to him, to find out if he is alright, but they have already discussed the need for silence until they’re safe on the far shore.

She is relieved when Ben’s head finally appears over the crystals. He’s motioning to her to proceed as planned.

Just like she practiced, Rey clears her mind and focuses all her attention on Ben and the island. She feels the currents of the Force, steady and sure around her. It—and he—won’t let her fall. She sprints ahead, launching up, up, up into the void…and a cushion of energy slows her landing as she nears the first goal. She comes down gently, Ben catching her up in his arms as her feet hit the crystals.

The pants of his already-wounded leg are ripped. There’s a gash seeping blood into the dark cloth.

“What happened?” she gasps, winded.

“The surface was more unstable than I expected. I stumbled as I landed and caught that spike.” He points out a sharp, jutting column nearby.

“Let’s rest for a minute, and I can patch you up,” she begins, but Ben shakes his head.

“It’s not serious. I don’t want to use any more medical supplies than we have to.”

“You can’t land three more times on that leg. It was injured to begin with.”

“I’ll be alright,” he promises. She can sense his agitation. The outcroppings they need to follow are leading them closer to the creature’s den. Ben wants them off the water as quickly as possible.

Their next target is closer than the last, but trickier because they have no even ground from which to get a running start. Ben seems torn between being the first to try the crossing, or sending Rey first so he can help launch her from their narrow platform.

“I’m going first,” she declares. “Then I can be the one to scout the landing, and help you cross without breaking your leg entirely. I have no intention of spending the night out here, Solo.” His name comes easily to her, but Ben gives her a look that is a mix of astonishment and reluctant pleasure.

“Ready?” he asks, apparently too thrown by the exchange to argue any further. She scans the terrain, nods briefly, and runs.

Once Ben helps with the liftoff, this jump is easier. The second island is slightly larger, with a flat space down its center. Her forward momentum carries her right to the edge of the formation, but she is able to grab hold of a column and stop without falling. A few loosened chunks slide into the water. Rey holds her breath, reaching out with her mind into the murky depths. She senses no movement, no awareness.

She waves to Ben, and extends both hands toward him as he hurdles the lake. He has no trouble covering the distance. As he approaches, Rey imagines her powers as ribbons of light, twining securely around his arms and legs, carrying him safely to her. She focuses so intently on not hurting his damaged leg that he doesn’t land, so much as step onto solid ground.

“Thank you,” he says. For a moment they stand, smiling awkwardly at each other.

Then they hear it.

Back on the shore they have left, the tell-tale tinkling of crystalline fur alerts them to the presence of the pack, finally arriving for a midday drink. The animals congregate on a rocky slope where the land juts out, no more than a few hundred meters from where Ben and Rey are watching.

“Oh no,” he mutters.

“What is it?” she asks, following his eyeline. He isn’t looking at the animals. He’s looking out into the lake.

“Hurry! We need to move,” he shouts. “Now!”

Almost before she is ready, Rey is flung through the air to the third island. She spins around to help Ben, just as the water begins to churn and froth.

A dark, slimy tentacle shoots out of the water, wrapping itself around the nearest little mammal and wrenching it to its doom. The pack yips and barks in panic, turning as one to bolt. But other tentacles emerge, snagging one after another.

A massive form breaks the surface. Its skin is reddish-black. Giant eyeballs on long, spindly antennae wave wildly, scanning its surroundings for more prey. Its huge maw opens to swallow its wriggling, yelping victims. Lines of razor-sharp teeth radiate from its gullet.

The creature spots Ben first. Swallowing all the mammals in a single mouthful, it surges toward him, tossing up an immense wake. Rey doesn’t think, she just reaches out with the Force and pulls with everything in her. Ben is yanked sideways, saber already drawn, as the beast crashes over the outcropping, smashing it into bits that disappear under the surf.

Ben slams into her, knocking them both flat. His saber skitters out of his hand, sailing toward the edge. Rey flings out an arm, stopping the weapon cold and calling it back.

“What now?” she shouts over the commotion.

The dripping behemoth is already plowing their way. They clamber to their feet, lightsabers at the ready. A tentacle swings out hard, drenching them in brackish water, but Ben stops it midair with the Force, and Rey hacks it off. The monster shrieks in fury, a shrill scream that pebbles the flesh on her arms. It circles the outcropping to mount a fresh attack.

The shore is tantalizingly close. “We need to jump,” she shouts, as a tentacle breaks the surface behind them. She senses it before she sees it, pivoting to swing even before she knows why she is doing it.

“Go!” Ben yells. “I’ll cover you!”

“I’m not leaving you here!”

“Rey,” he growls. “Now is _not_ the time to argue.”

“Then don’t! We go together or together we stay. Your call!”

A barb on the rim of the monster’s maw catches Rey’s forearm, scratching deeply into her skin. She wails in pain.

Darkness blossoms in Ben at her cry. She can see it, like fog rolling in on a sunny day. He lunges, viciously slashing out and catching one of the whipping antennae with his blade. A luminous yellow eyeball falls at their feet with a squelch. The creature rears back in confused agony.

“Can you jump?” he shouts. She nods quickly and together they leap for the shore.

Rey hits the ground hard, knees buckling under her. She scrambles across the bank, scanning to make sure Ben is following.

He’s standing as still as a statue, one wet arm raised. The creature is rising over the lake, twisting and struggling to break free. She watches as Ben slowly closes his fingers. The look on his face is pure hatred.

She runs back to his side, clawing at his raised arm. At first, he doesn’t seem to hear her. She says his name but when he finally looks at her, it is without recognition. She grabs his face roughly.

“I’m alright. We’re alive. Don’t kill it, please. Let it go, Ben. I’m begging you!”

His eyes come back into focus on her face. She knows the instant the darkness releases him and slinks away. He trembles violently as he drops his arm. The creature hits the water with a loud splash, and dives back to the safety of its vent.

Rey tugs him away from the shore, guiding him over the bank and sitting him down on a toppled stalagmite. His breath is shallow and his hair is crusted silver with salt water.

“Look at me,” she whispers. “I’m right here. I’m with you. We made it.”

She combs the hair back from his eyes. They are bright with tears. He’s trying to hold himself together, and the effort is shaking him apart. Rey pulls him close, settling his head against her chest so he can hear the evidence of her heartbeat. He clutches her waist so tightly it is almost painful. She rocks gently, running her fingertips across his back until he starts to calm.

Then Rey opens her eyes and freezes.

“Ben,” she whispers. “Is that…a door?”  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My foray into action, LOL.
> 
> In (written) canon, Crait does have deep, underground waterways that are "possibly" home to aquatic creatures.


	7. Chapter 7

“It says Nupayuni Mining Consortium.”

“ _Kriff!_ ” Ben explodes.

“Should that mean something to me?”

“It means we’re on Crait, in the ass-end of the Outer Rim.” He kicks an empty fuel drum hard, sending it spinning. “An uninhabited planet in an untrafficked system.”

They have cut through the sealed door to find themselves in an abandoned mining facility. Old, broken equipment is scattered through a warren of empty rooms, all covered in inches of red dust and salt. They are clearly the first visitors to this place in decades.

“How in the galaxy do you suddenly know that?”

“There was a secret outpost here during the last Rebellion. Probably forty years ago. I heard stories from…when I was younger. The mining company informed on them to the Empire, so they had to abandon the base.”

All the pieces snap together in Rey’s mind. “Leia told you those stories, didn’t she? Leia knew about this place. That’s why the Resistance was fleeing here.”

Ben huffs in frustration. “Maybe. I suppose that theory makes sense. But knowing where we are, and possibly why we ended up here, doesn’t solve any of our other problems.”

“No, but there might be things here we can use. The solar power cells clearly still work. We might find speeders or communication equipment. We might be able to put out a distress call.”

“I would be astonished if a commercial mining company left anything behind it could conceivably use. And we would have to think very carefully about who we were going to call for help. But—” he holds up a hand as Rey begins to argue, “—there’s no point in even having _that_ conversation unless we run across workable comms. I’m not holding my breath. Water and food are still our most pressing needs,” he reminds her.

“Agreed. The fact that the mining company built this place directly adjacent to that lake suggests to me that they wanted to take advantage of all that water. They must have had employees stationed here to oversee the mine. I’m guessing we’ll find a water filtration system. If we can get it turned on, we might have only one lethal problem left to solve.”

He’s impressed, she can tell. “As someone once said to me, it’s a solid plan. Any suggestions as to where we start looking?”

“I’d say, follow those pipes.” She indicates a cluster of conduits lining the ceiling of the adjacent corridor.

He sweeps a hand toward the door. “Lead the way.”

~~~~~

  
The complex is much more extensive than they initially realized. It takes them close to two hours to locate a control room that Rey recognizes as the nerve center of the water system. It has the same air of disuse as the rest of the rooms, but when she powers up the panels, most seem functional.

“See these gauges? These are for monitoring the levels of eleven different kinds of organic and non-organic contaminants, including lead. They must have been draining the cavern water table.”

“Do you think you can get this back online?”

“It’ll take time. I can figure out the mechanics of it, get the pumps running and such. But what I don’t know is the process. What order are things done in? What’s an acceptable level for each of these pollutants? Can you look around and see if you can find some sort of holo-manual or something?”

They spend the rest of the day unsticking valves, cleaning filters, and trying to decipher the few scraps of written information Ben locates.

Rey is soon rubbing the heels of her hands into her tired eyes. She’s not used to artificial lighting. “I’ve got to replace some of this damaged wire. It looks like something small has been living behind these consoles and chewing on it.” She gives him a wry smile. “Turns out Crait is just loaded with wildlife after all. The chewing might be a problem if it’s widespread, or if I can’t find enough replacement wire in other equipment. Then we need to find the actual tanks that the water runs through, and check each one of those…”

“Why don’t we save at least some of the fun for tomorrow?” Ben suggests. He’s been subdued since the incident on the lake. “It’s getting late, and I saw sonic showers near the sleeping quarters.”

~~~~~

  
The wing of the base set aside for dormitories is stripped almost bare of furnishings. But there are bunks built into recesses in the walls of each room, and every bunk has a rather grubby pad still attached. They are able to cobble together a passable bed in the center of the floor, made up of the less filthy specimens. It’s cozier than sleeping on rocks.

“Feel better?” Rey asks sleepily, when Ben returns from the sonic carrying his dusty boots. Only one of the twelve units is operational, but it’s all they need.

“I would have preferred hot water and soap, but it’s better than nothing,” he concedes.

“Water showers? What luxury.”

Ben has the good grace to look chastened. “I imagine you didn’t have much access to water on Jakku.”

“None at all, unless I could find enough scrap to trade for portions _and_ water. Plutt controlled both. I would have wrestled a sandborer for the chance to use a water shower.”

Rey has already cleaned up and is curled into the pile of threadbare pads with her eyes closed. She’s vaguely sore from the fight with the lake creature. Sleeping on something made of fabric, no matter how course and dusty, feels like utter decadence.

The pads shift as Ben joins her. “Tell me more about Plutt.”

She reflects for a moment. “I don’t think I will. There’s nothing positive to tell, and there’s nothing to be done about it now anyway.”

“You wanted to know about Snoke,” he says evenly.

“True, and what little you told me made me very, very angry. But Snoke’s already dead. Plutt’s alive. If we somehow make it off this rock, I don’t need his death on my conscience.”

“You’re afraid I’ll go to Jakku just to murder him?” he asks, voice carefully neutral.

“Listening to you, I wanted to murder Snoke. Again.” She opens her eyes. “Come to think of it, I never properly thanked you.”

“For killing Snoke?” He’s surprised at her, and very nearly amused.

“For saving my life,” she clarifies. “For choosing me, I suppose.”

His voice is tender. “There wasn’t a choice, Rey.”

She feels the hot creep of a tear on the bridge of her nose. He laces his fingers through hers, running the line of her thumb, up and down.

“Do you think he was telling the truth, when he said—”

“That he connected us in the Force? No.” He’s emphatic. “He was a liar and a manipulator. He turned every situation to his advantage. You and I opened the bond between us before he ever knew you existed. I know the exact moment it happened.”

“In the interrogation room,” she whispers.

He nods his head. “It started there and it has only gotten stronger every moment since. Snoke had nothing to do with it. Please tell me you believe that.”

She weighs his words. They feel right to her. Nothing born of darkness could create this wholeness, this gladness. She nods back, squeezing his hand hard.

“Do you want to talk about what happened today,” she prods gently, stifling a yawn.

“Less than you want to talk about Plutt.” Ben raises her hand and brushes his lips across her skin. “Get some sleep. Tomorrow is going to be a long day.”

~~~~~

  
“Ben!”

“What’s wrong?” comes his answering call from the other side of the hall.

“For once? Nothing at all. Come see.” Rey is giddy with discovery.

Ben jogs over from the pile of rusted tools he’s been inventorying. “What is it?”

“So, we know from the control center that the water passes through eleven different filtering systems. What’s wrong with this picture?” She indicates the long wall of equipment and machinery.

It only takes him a few seconds to grasp her meaning. “There are thirteen tanks.”

“There are _thirteen_ tanks,” she repeats, triumphant.

“Is that good?”

“It’s brilliant. You see, that one—” she points to the first tank, on the far right of the row, “—is the intake tank. The water pumped in from the cavern is stored in that tank before it goes through any processing. It’s still full of crystals, salt, animal remains, whatever.”

She grabs Ben by the shoulders and swings him around to face the far-left side of the row. “But _that_ tank, lucky number thirteen, _that_ tank is where the finished water is stored prior to use.”

He looks at her in disbelief. “You mean…?”

“I mean, the water in that tank has already been filtered and purified and should be perfectly safe to drink.”

“How much is in there?”

“Oh, roughly enough for us to die of old age before we ever run out.”

Her joy is infectious. Ben smiles broadly, but it fades as a thought strikes him. “That water has been sitting there for at least four decades, Rey.”

“Doesn’t matter. If treated water is sealed properly in its storage container, air tight to keep contaminants out, it’s good indefinitely. You just have to swish it around a little before you drink it, to get the oxygen back in it so it doesn’t taste stale. Where do you think Plutt got most of the water and portions he traded in Niima Outpost? Salvaged off a thirty-year-old star destroyer wreck.”

But Ben’s comment does prompt a concern in her. “Having said that, I’m not sure we have any way to know the seals are still good unless we try the water. It is a bit of a gamble.”

“We can do better than gamble,” he offers. “Emergency kits from escape shuttles come standard with testing strips and desalination supplies. We can screen for at least half of these contaminants. That will give us a good idea of whether the tank held.”

Rey can’t help herself. She throws her arms around his neck. “Do you know what this means?”

“A long, hot shower?” He practically growls the words, and her stomach twists with unexpected ardor.

“No, I mean, yes, but that’s not…it means we don’t have to fix the entire bloody filtration matrix.”

Ben’s nods thoughtfully. This close, Rey can see that his eyes are two distinct colors, a ring of brown encircled in one of green. They’re striking.

He kisses her nose. “So how do you want to spend all our free time?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In (written) canon, Bail Organa is the person who started the Rebel base on Crait.
> 
> A word about the dyad: I actually don't like that concept very much, only because it seems to make their relationship something predestined, but almost in a "like it or not" sense. I prefer the idea that they felt a personal connection and decided to be together.
> 
> And while they may have had fleeting dreams or feelings over the course of their lives (Rey getting cold when Ben falls to the Dark Side in TROKR, etc.), I don't think the characters would be conscious of that and connect it to each other within the context of this story, if that makes sense.
> 
> Oh, and I really did research how long treated water can be stored. Here on Earth, "indefinitely" is more of a hypothetical best case scenario. Modern-day survivalists seem to swap out their water stores every 1-5 years. But I figure if folks in SW can figure out hyperdrive tech, they can figure out a seal for a water tank.
> 
> For anyone keeping track, this covers days three and four.


	8. Chapter 8

“And she never told you?”

Ben shakes his head stiffly. Old resentments coil protectively around him like thorny vines. “No. I found out a few years ago, when the rest of the galaxy did.”

They are lying on the ground, side by side, under a long, grimy console. This particular unit was home to a nest of something, they don’t yet know what. Before they could begin replacing the destroyed components, they had to clear out clumps of shredded bedding fabric and tiny grey mosses packed tight into every nook and cranny.

The console operates, among other things, the sizeable roll-up door on a nearby wall. Ben is convinced it’s an exterior exit, one that will bring them out in another part of the range. But they have yet to find out if he is correct, even after spending the entire morning on repairs.

“To be fair,” he adds, though his tone is biting, “she was never around enough to talk to me about much of anything.” He yanks out a handful of frayed wire and tosses it away.

Rey has spent only moments in the company of Leia Organa. But she finds it difficult to reconcile the cold fury that fills Ben each time he thinks or speaks of his mother, with the warm-eyed woman that showed her such kindness on D’Qar.

“Where was she?”

“Who knows? Various governmental roles. She was a senator for the New Republic when I found out, but that was years after they sent me away.” A deep well of hurt shrouds itself in the anger.

“How old were you when they…?”

“Ten.”

Rey is shocked. “So young?”

“I suppose I’m lucky. The Jedi used to recruit younglings half that age, sometimes less if they were particularly strong in the Force. Before the Clone Wars, ten would have been considered too old to train.”

She wants to ask about Han and what part he played in his young son’s life. But she is afraid of what Ben’s reaction might be, so she stays silent. He anticipates the question anyway.

“He wasn’t around, either. I was raised by droids until they decided to drop all the pretense and get rid of me.”

Ben lets his hands fall onto his stomach, eyes fixed firmly above him. “I’m not telling you this to justify…you asked me once why…” he trails off, clearly at a loss how to finish. The abyss she is coming to recognize so well is there, quivering with bottomless hunger, ever ready to swallow him alive.

“You told me you didn’t hate him,” Rey prompts.

“I didn’t,” he answers, sliding himself out from under the equipment bank.

She finishes splicing in the replacement wire they harvested from another sector. Then she slides out from under the console, sitting cross-legged in the dust. Ben is leaning over a battered counter, hands splayed across its surface.

“Your mother should have told you about Vader. You had a right to know. But I suspect she was trying to protect you, not hurt you.”

Ben barks a laugh. “If she was trying to protect me, she failed. Spectacularly.”

“It’s strange,” Rey reflects. “I grew up completely alone. No one ever looked out for me. I was angry at you on Ahch-To because you had everything I ever wanted, and you threw it all away.” A muscle jumps in his cheek. “But I’m beginning to understand that, from your perspective, they threw you away. Even with loads of credits and a family, you were as unhappy as I was.”

He turns to her, crossing his arms over his chest. “All my life, I’ve been nothing but a legacy. Son of Rebel heroes. Nephew of one famous Jedi, named after another. Grandson of the most hated Sith in the galaxy. Skywalker wanted my power for his side, Snoke wanted it for his. Neither one of them gave a damn about me. I know your life on Jakku was terrible. But I’d be lying if I said I didn’t envy you.”

She’s incredulous. “Envy me? For nearly starving to death on a regular basis? For having to set traps around my scrap heap to keep the thieves and murderers away?”

“You told me a few days ago that you don’t know who you are because you don’t know anything about your parents. Trust me, Rey, that’s a gift. You are exactly who you have chosen to be, without anyone else’s mistakes—or past glories—muddying the waters. You come from nothing. You’re just yourself.”

She blinks in surprise. “Wait, when you told me I was nothing, you meant that as a good thing?”

“Of course. The rest of the galaxy might not see it that way, but I do. Snoke used to go on and on about my superior bloodline. So did Skywalker, for that matter. It’s all nonsense. You’re a Jakku desert rat, and you’re the strongest Force user I’ve ever met. And the best person.” The last few words tumble out of him, as if he’s afraid to say them more slowly. He’s staring at the floor.

Rey picks at a tattered seam on her wraps to cover her embarrassment. “How can you say I’m better off not knowing about my past, and be furious at your mother for not telling you about yours? Do you think your life would have gone differently if she had told you about Vader when you were a little boy?”

He considers her question, jaw clenched. “Would that one piece of information have changed anything? I don’t know. But if she had been there for me when I needed her, even one time…that would have mattered. To me.”

She pictures him as he was then, an awkward boy with too-large ears. Absorbed in his rock collection or mythology tales. Missing his parents. Just as she was, tiny and afraid, making toys out of trash to pass the empty hours. Her heart aches with sympathy for those two lost children, who somehow managed to find each other.

“Come on,” she says briskly, climbing to her feet. “Let’s focus on things we can do something about. Let’s get this door open.” She fires up the console and, with a glance over her shoulder, pushes the button.

Nothing happens.

Ben snickers. “A perfect representation of powerlessness.”

Rey huffs in exasperation.

“I’m surprised at you,” she says, moving in front of the door and beckoning him to join her. “It’s a simple problem. If it can’t be solved in a convention way, then you and I just have to be bold enough to use an unconventional one.”

She extends her hand toward the door and seeing what she intends to do, he follows suit. The enormous object shudders on its tracks. The locking mechanisms squeal and spark. But slowly the sections rise and disappear, one by one, into the ceiling. Warm air and dry dust waft inside. Beyond the door is a craggy landscape filled with sunshine.

“We both got used to being on our own, not relying on anyone but ourselves. But it’s good to let someone else near. I told you, I trust it. And you can trust it, Ben. If you need me, I’ll be there. I promise.”  
  


~~~~~

  
It’s pitch black in the ravine. Rey is wrapped snugly in Ben’s tunic. She presses close against his side to allow his heat to settle into her. They are sitting on one of the smaller pads from the dormitories, brought out for comfort.

“We don’t both have to be here for this,” he murmurs into her hair. “I told you I could handle it.”

“And I told you, I’m not leaving you out here alone. I’m not making you do my dirty work.”

He snorts softly. “I’d hardly call catching us food doing your dirty work.” He turns away, staring down the canyon. “The Maker knows I’ve been asked to do worse.”

Rey nudges him with her shoulder. He’s been in a bleak mood all day, since their conversation about his family. “Are you sure we don’t need some kind of trap?”

“Aren’t you the one advocating unconventional problem solving?” he asks. “We don’t need a trap. We just need to convince the animal to come to us.”

“Are you sure you’re persuasive enough to manage it?” she teases.

His voice is low. “I don’t know. Am I?” He runs his lips, feather-light, over hers.

They have been sleeping next to each other for days. She knows the taste of his mouth and the rhythm of his breath in the dark. Ben’s touch is gentle, almost reverent. But Rey finds herself longing for the fierce, wild joy of their encounter in the storm. She wishes he wouldn’t be quite so polite.

She slips her fingers under the hem of his sweater, finding the warm, smooth skin there. The muscles contract under her hand as if she has given him a jolt of electricity.

“Sorry,” she mumbles, cheeks burning. She begins to lean away but he stops her.

“Don’t apologize,” he orders.

She feels foolish, out of her depth. “I don’t know what I’m doing,” she blurts.

His mortification carries through the bond. “Neither do I.”

“Really?”

He rests his forehead on her shoulder. “I spent most of my life in a religious order that doesn’t believe in personal attachment. Why do you think Skywalker is such a misery?”

Rey bursts out laughing.

“Shhhh,” he whispers with a smirk, running the pad of his thumb over her lips. The sensation leaves her dazed. “We’re hunting, remember?”

“Maybe we should forget…” she rasps, but in the distance, they hear the glassy song of the little white creatures.

It’s several minutes before the pack makes its way through the ravine. She can sense their life energy as they draw nearer, bright sparks in the darkness. But something is off. She feels more animals than she hears. It isn’t until Ben slowly stands and ignites his saber, holding out a hand to prevent the group from taking flight, that she understands.

There is only one full-grown animal, pelt flashing red with reflected light. The rest are clearly her pups. They have dark, downy fur—not yet heavy with crystals—and tiny glowing eyes. They whimper and scratch as they cluster around her paws, recognizing their danger.

Ben hesitates, glancing back.

Rey nods encouragement. “We have plenty of ration bars for a few more days.”

“Are you sure you want me to let it go?”

“They need their mother,” she says carefully.

Ben lowers his hand and the little family scampers into the safety of the night.

He drops back down onto the mat beside her. His sigh is overly dramatic and all the more charming for it. “I hate ration bars.” 

“I know,” she smiles, trailing kisses along his jaw.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have a great deal of sympathy for both Leia and Ben, but I also have a child just a bit younger than Ben was when he was sent from home, and it breaks my heart to think of that.
> 
> End of day five.
> 
> NOTE: Late last night I had a much better (I hope) idea for what I want to do in the next few chapters. So the updates will not be coming as fast and furious. But I am excited to see where this leads, so hopefully all your very kind words over the last few days will power me through to a strong conclusion. Thank you all!


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I debated whether it was too soon for this, then I reminded myself that Ben and Rey canonically go from meeting on Takodana to the Throne Room in like 96 hours. So I felt better. :-)
> 
> I have added a final chapter count. My Ben POV story, "The Possibility of Being," also had twelve chapters, so that feels like a nice symmetry.

_She sits on the ledge, legs dangling free. From where she is perched, she can see the sun setting on one horizon and twin moons rising on the other._

_Ben is here. Because of course he is._

_His pose mirrors hers. He’s looking around curiously. Examining the sand dunes, the wreckage scattered around them._

_“You lived here?”_

_Rey has never felt shame about the circumstances of her life before. She had no control over where she grew up, after all. But seeing everything through his eyes, it seems that much shabbier, that much more desperate._

_“I suppose it all looks pretty grim to someone with as many queens and princesses in their family as you’ve got.”_

_He scans the skyline. “The scenery has a certain appeal.”_

_“No, it doesn’t,” she replies curtly. His trying to make her feel better is only infuriating her, even though she knows this is all in her mind. “The dream you shared with me was beautiful. This is a nightmare.”_

_Ben shakes his head. “I’ve had nightmares nearly every night of my life. Until a few days ago. That dream of Naboo was maybe the first pleasant dream I’ve ever had. This is definitely not a nightmare.”_

_“You never told me that,” she says quietly._

_He does what Ben always does; he acts as though the devastating thing he’s just shared with her isn’t a matter of much importance. He shrugs._

_“Why do you think you brought me here?” he asks._

_She knows, but she can’t say the words._

_They are no longer sitting outside the AT-AT. They are in the cramped compartment Rey called home. She sees him take in everything: the rejected salvage, the tattered hammock, the pitiful doll made of scrap. He reaches out a finger to trace the letters that curl around her flight helmet, evidence that the simplest thing about her is a sham._

_It’s almost more than she can bear. No other person has ever been in this space with her. Rey pulls her legs tight to her chest and tries to keep her breathing steady. But it’s too personal, too intimate. Any second he will see…_

_“Stars,” he breathes. His entire attention is focused on the wall. The wall on which Rey scratched thousands of marks, one for every day she waited for her parents to return. Every wasted day of her life recorded in a single spot._

_How can she feel the urge to cry this strongly in a dream?_

_“Rey,” he whispers. Maybe he can read her mind even here. Maybe it is just obvious to anyone with eyes what the wall represents. But he knows. The grief in his voice nearly unravels her._

_“Tell me,” she demands._

_“Tell you what?”_

_“You know. Tell me what you saw. In the vision.”_

_This is why she has brought him here. She needs to let go of this place, to let go of the dream that her family will come back for her._

_Save her._

_Define her._

_“You know what a vision is like. It was confused images. They looked like junk traders. They handed you over to someone, I’m guessing Plutt. Credits changed hands. A ship launched and left a screaming child behind. There’s no more to tell.”_

_She’s crying, which is foolish because she already knew this, didn’t she? But she thinks maybe this time she isn’t weeping for the parents she can’t remember, so much as she is for the girl who squandered her life mourning people who never loved her back._

_Ben makes no move to touch her. His eyes stray between her and the wall, as if he is trying to take in the enormity of what Rey has truly lost._

_She wipes the back of her hand angrily across her face. She hates feeling so exposed in front of him, so raw. “Still envy me?” she asks defensively._

_“Yes,” he answers. “You want to know why?”_

_He gestures toward the dried out spinebarrel flower shedding blanched petals and powdery leaves on a makeshift shelf._

_She doesn’t try to hide her irritation. “I’m not in the mood for riddles.”_

_“You spent so long trapped in this atrocious place, scraping and fighting to keep from starving to death. It never broke you. You find beauty everywhere. In things and people. You have hope, even now. I envy your spirit.”_

When she wakes up, she is choking on tears.

The dormitory is dark and still. Ben’s arms are wrapped tightly around her. He’s whispering into her hair that she is not alone, that he is with her.

“You never told me about the nightmares,” she manages, when the worst is over. “Was that Snoke, too?”

He doesn’t answer, only nods.

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“It wasn’t important. I haven’t had one since we crashed.” He speaks so low she can hardly hear him when he adds, “You gave me back dreams, Rey.”

She kisses him for that, not caring that her face is wet. Their lives are filled with salt already.

Rey thinks of the day in the storm, the stinging hunger that seemed to explode inside her almost without warning. She wants that wild feeling back. She is done waiting.

She shoves impatiently at Ben’s shirt. He tosses it aside with a small noise of amusement. His chest is broad and smooth, but she barely gives herself time to notice before she is sitting up, pulling at her own wraps. Her fingers are shaking and she makes a tangle of it.

“Rey,” he whispers against her throat. He is sitting up, too, circling her wrists with his hands to steady her. “Slow down. Please.”

“We’ve wasted too much time,” she cries. “We can’t waste any more.” Her voice sounds strange in her ears. Frantic. Frightened.

“We have time. We don’t have to do this.”

“No, I need…” She doesn’t have the words to make him understand.

“Need what? Tell me.”

Her cheeks are burning. He must feel the heat they are giving off.

“You’re the only person who knows me. Really knows me. No one ever wanted me before you. I need…to know that I’m wanted, Ben.”

When she looks back on this night in the days of her life to come, time will be kind and wear away its rougher edges. She will forget the fumblings and hesitations. She will not recall her own shyness or the brief discomforts. What will stay with her, a song that will never leave her blood and bones, is the rightness of it. They are stars forever alone in the vast velvet blankness of space, until they are locked into orbit with each other, never to spin apart.

Ben burns brightly in the Force. His presence reminds her of the cavern, deep and dark but at its core, a jeweled heart of endless facets. Mining its secret places, its dearest-held treasures, could take her a lifetime.

One thing she knows with perfect certainty this night: she is wanted.  
  


~~~~~

  
“Do you feel different?” She murmurs into the rough fabric of the bedding.

“Do you?” She can hear his smile. He’s tracing the curve of her spine with his mouth. It’s driving her mad.

“I think I do. But I can’t really explain how.”

“We could try again. If that would help.”

“Was that a joke? Are you experimenting with humor now?”

“I am completely serious, I promise you.” His hands are everywhere.

“Wait,” she says, breath coming in little huffs. “When you said I needed a teacher, was this what you meant?”

He laughs at that, and she feels the vibration of it pass from his chest to her back. “I would hardly have been qualified to make that offer.”

She rolls over, his face filling her vision.

“We managed alright,” she offers modestly, brushing long strands of hair from his eyes. Discovering how much Ben relishes her touch is one of the many gifts this night has given her.

As if hearing the thought, he nuzzles his cheek into her palm.

 _Mine._ It doesn’t matter which of them thinks it first. Everything and nothing is changed between them.

“What happens now?” she wonders.

“I don’t know. I don’t really care. Whatever it is, if we’re together, it’s enough.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> End of day six.


	10. Chapter 10

“Look what I found.”

“Is it the compression fitting I need? You’ve been gone long enough.”

“Better,” Ben says. He steps into the fresher where Rey is working. His arms are filled with long, clear tubes capped on each end in green. He drops them on a nearby counter and begins spreading them out.

She’s unimpressed. “How exactly are a bunch of old tubes better than the prospect of a hot water shower?” She throws him a significant look she wouldn’t have believed herself capable of a few days ago. The tips of his ears turn pink and she’s delighted.

“Trust me,” he smirks. “Come and see.”

He’s removing the green caps from one of the tubes and unrolling it.

“What are these?” she asks.

“Schematics. Presumably back-up copies in case power was lost. I found them in a wall unit we hadn’t checked yet while I was looking for the replacement fitting.”

“What am I seeing? The layout doesn’t match the compound. It’s not even close.”

“No, it’s not,” Ben agrees. “Because _this_ is a different facility than the one we’re standing in. These three tubes are the individual mining complexes. This fourth—” he pulls the object in question apart to reveal its transparency, “is a map of the entire region with the base locations marked. We’re in the Berinato Range, adjacent to the Nupayuni Salt Flats.”

“Oh, well, it’s much homier now that I know what to call it,” she jokes.

“We’re here,” Ben points to a location on the bottom of the map. “And here—” he slides his finger to the top of the sheet, “—is the main company headquarters. See the massive bays for equipment and transports? I wondered why we didn’t see anything like that here.”

“It looks like our location is the closest to a water supply. Maybe that was its sole function. That could explain why the tanks are so much bigger than the number of beds seems to call for,” Rey theorizes. “So there are three bases in this region. But according to this key, that northernmost one is nearly a thousand kilometers from here. And that one to the east is even farther. Did you want to go investigate? Because that’s a long walk to see another set of empty rooms. And don’t forget, we may have all the water here.”

“You’re right. If we had a ship or even a speeder it would be a different situation. Right now, it doesn’t make sense to attempt a trip that far. It’s too dangerous for no obvious gain. We have food, water, and shelter.” He glances from the map to Rey. “We have everything we need.”

“Then why were you so excited to show these to me? I have a shower to fix, you know,” she nudges his arm playfully.

“Because of this,” he says, indicating a small icon not far from their facility.

Rey stares down at the map, then at Ben. “Is that…?”

He nods. “It’s a comm tower. From the look of it, it’s less than twenty kilometers from here. That’s one day out and back, even if we take our time.”

“I don’t understand. Why is a comm tower built in the middle of nowhere? Why wouldn’t it be located on one of the bases? Better yet, one in each of them?”

“It’s a relay, to support communication between the bases. See here? That’s another string of them built between us and the station off to the east.”

“But if each base was stripped of its equipment when the mining company pulled out of Crait, what good is it to go to the relay? There’s no one to call, and nothing to receive a call on. And this map is forty years old, Ben. There may be nothing left of this tower, anyway.”

He’s looking at her with a curious expression she can’t read. “All valid points. But there may be equipment in the relay tower we can salvage. To send that distress call you talked about.”

“As I recall, you weren’t that keen to try.”

“I only said we would have to think carefully about who to contact.”

Rey wipes her hands, still dirty from replacing rusted pipes, on her wraps. “I’m hungry. Are you hungry?” She leaves the fresher in search of a ration bar.

Ben follows, map in hand.

“Rey, I thought you’d be thrilled to hear this. What’s wrong?”

“Nothing.” She climbs on top of an empty crate and sits cross-legged, chewing her meager meal.

“You know I can tell when you’re lying, right?”

“You can also tell what I’m thinking, so why bother to ask?”

He crosses his arms. “I prefer to hear it from you.”

She throws up her hands in mock surrender. “Forgive me for not wanting to hike forty kilometers in summer heat on some futile quest.”

“That’s not it. What’s really going on?”

She flicks absently on the foil wrapper. “Have you really thought this through, Ben? What might happen if we do this?”

He’s confused. “I only found these plans all of fifteen minutes ago, so I can’t say I’ve given it a great deal of consideration. What are you getting at?”

“Let’s assume, for the sake of argument, that we hike out to this tower with no problems and find it filled with functional equipment. What then?”

“Do you mean, how do we get it back here? We could rig up some kind of sled…”

“No, I mean, what if it works? What then? Who do we call for help? The Resistance? The First Order?” She looks down at her lap, avoiding his reaction.

“Ahhh,” he sighs. “I see.” He tosses the tube onto the console he’s leaning against. “You’re afraid I’m going to try to go back to the First Order.”

“I’m afraid that if we start sending out distress calls, the First Order may intercept them. Think about it. All those smashed ships are still out there, adrift in this system. You said yourself there could be thousands of survivors. We don’t know what kind of recovery operation might be underway. But if any of the Resistance did make it to this planet, it stands to reason that the First Order would salvage what people and equipment it could, then regroup for an attack on Crait.”

“You think we should try to find the Resistance before they do.”

“I didn’t say that.”

Ben’s getting frustrated. “Under the scenario you just laid out, we have two options. If it’s not one, and it’s not the other, then what are you suggesting?”

“I don’t know! Maybe I’m suggesting we just stay here and forget about both of them. Would that be so terrible?”

“Stay here? On this Force-forsaken dust bowl? For the rest of our lives, Rey? Drinking water older than we are and eating salt-crusted vermin we catch in the ravine? Is that really what you want?”

“I want you,” she says softly. “I don’t want you to go back to the First Order. I don’t want you to be imprisoned by the Resistance. I want you with me, where you belong. If I have to spend the rest of my life on Crait to make that happen, I’ll do it.”

It takes him three long strides to cross the room and bury his hands in the hair that hangs loose around her shoulders. He kisses her like it is the last act he will ever be allowed. Then he slides his arms under her legs and lifts her easily off the crate. They stumble together back to the dormitory, to forget everything in the galaxy that is not them, not this.  
  


~~~~~

  
“You shouldn’t have to pay for my mistakes,” he says later, rubbing strands of her hair between his fingers as delicately as if they were shimmersilk. Rey has collapsed across his chest, her face resting in the curve of his throat. She rises and falls in time with each breath. “You shouldn’t have to die in this hellhole to protect me. You’ve suffered enough. You deserve beauty and peace. Green things growing.”

“The worst part of Jakku wasn’t the sand,” she points out. “It was the loneliness.” She presses a kiss against the soft hollow just below his ear. His heart beats strong and steady under her lips. “You’ve already spared me that.”

“Rey, even if we wanted to stay here, we might not be able to. We’re going to run out of ration bars very soon. We don’t know if those mammals are edible. We haven’t found any plant life even to try. At some point, we’re going to have to leave this place, at least long enough to move inland in search of food. That map proves that this range extends much farther in every direction than we realized.”

“I know,” she admits. “It’s odd, isn’t it? We’re so precarious here but somehow it feels safe. I’m afraid if we leave, we’ll lose everything.”

The hand he is resting on her hip tightens possessively. “I won’t let that happen.”

“You might not be able to stop it. If the First Order somehow finds us, they’ll arrest both of us. Or more likely, execute us on the spot. If the Resistance finds us, they’ll try to take you into custody.”

She feels the edge of despair pressing in on him, the old darkness slithering back. “It’s no more than I deserve, Rey.” He’s thinking of Han, she can tell.

“What about what I deserve?”

“You deserve to live!” he explodes. “You don’t deserve to spend twenty years scavenging on Jakku, only to starve to death on Crait!”

“I deserve happiness. I’ve found that, and I don’t intend to give it up without a fight,” she retorts fiercely.

“You’re infuriating,” he mutters, but his voice is affectionate.

Rey lifts her head, resting her chin on her hand so she can take in his whole face. She brushes back the long strands that always cluster just in front of his eyes. His expression is so sad; she can’t bear it.

“Alright, if it will make you feel better, we’ll hike out to the tower tomorrow and see what condition it’s in. With any luck, we’ll find a jogan tree growing along the way.”

Ben’s gloom dissolves into relief. “Muja fruit’s better.”

“I’ve never had that. Then again, I only had one bite of jogan fruit, a long time ago. I don’t really remember what it tasted like. I tried a few bites of something sweet on Takodana, maybe that was muja fruit.”

“They grow on Kashyyyk, among other places.” Ben tenses, but continues, “Chewbacca…loves muja juice. Or at least he used to. Years ago.”

It’s the first time he has mentioned the Wookie to her. “He knew exactly why I was going to the _Supremacy_ , Ben. He wanted to help you leave the First Order as badly as I did.”

He swallows hard and looks away. “Even after what happened? What I did? I find that hard to believe.”

“You can hate the choices someone makes but love them.”

He snorts in disbelief. He’s staring at the ceiling, eyes glassy.

“Ben, you helped me accept things I didn’t want to believe. Now you need to listen. Your parents loved you. Chewie loves you. Even Luke, in his own way. They made mistakes, they weren’t perfect. But that doesn’t mean they didn’t care. Your mother would welcome you home right now. She doesn’t give a damn about your powers or the family legacy. You’re her child and she loves you. Still.”

A tear slides down his cheek. He isn’t able to speak.

Finally, he stammers, “I was manipulated and lied to for so many years. I don’t trust myself anymore to know what’s true. But I trust you. If you say it, I believe it.”

Rey pushes herself up so her face is level with his. “Trust this: I love you.”

The explosion of emotion that floods through the bond is so immediate and intense that she gasps. Ben launches up, capturing her mouth with his. He pushes her back onto the bedding, never losing touch between them. Her skin tingles at the clarion call of the Force. They come apart only to breathe.

“I’m not a good man, Rey. I’ve done things I can never undo, hurt people.” He’s feverish and desperate. “You shouldn’t love me.” It’s as if he’s trying to warn her, give her one last chance to escape something irrevocable.

“Too late,” she whispers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So in keeping with my theme of "Crait ordeal as metaphor for relationship progression," the resolution of the story will involve Ben and Rey climbing one final mountain to reach a literal beacon of communication. On the nose? You betcha. ;-)
> 
> FYI, Trusk Berinato (for whom I named the range) was the miner who betrayed the rebels on Crait to the Empire.
> 
> End of day seven.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rey is not the only person Ben needs to humble himself before on the metaphorical road to wholeness.

“So one grandmother was Queen of Naboo?”

“Elected queen.”

“And _another_ grandmother was Queen of Alderaan?”

“Technically adopted grandmother.”

Rey adjusts her grip on the makeshift pack she is carrying. It’s hot, and a heavy load of metal implements is knocking uncomfortably against her back.

“Does that make you Prince Ben of something-or-other?”

He rolls his eyes. “No. The ruler of Naboo is democratically elected—and almost always a young female. Alderaan was destroyed before I was born.”

“That must have been terrible for your mother,” Rey observes. As little love as she has for Jakku, she can’t conceive of it being suddenly gone.

“She never talked much about it, outside of monument dedications.”

“Suffering in silence is a family tradition, then.” He gives her an aggrieved look as she continues, “I’m just glad I don’t have to call you…what do you call a prince, anyway?”

She worries she has offended him when he doesn’t answer for a long moment. Then he says, voice tight with guilt, “When my…my father wanted to really needle my mother, he would call her ‘Your Highness.’ Once, when I was young, they had a brutal argument. He called her ‘Your Worshipfulness.’ She threw a very expensive Chandrilan sculpture at him.”

Rey tries to imagine gentle, poised Leia Organa so infuriated she is ready to smash something over her husband’s head, but finds she can’t quite manage it. She’s about to tell Ben so when something catches her eye.

“Look!” she urges. She points to a slide of stones further down the canyon. Little, four-legged creatures are scurrying to gain the safety of their burrows at the foot of the cliff. “I bet those are our tiny vandals.”

“They could also be the mystery food source for our other friends,” Ben theorizes.

“So the trip was worthwhile already.” Rey drops her pack on the ground and fishes for a water canister. “We must be close to the relay. Do you think the door will be obvious? Or would they have tried to conceal it?”

“Door?” Ben is puzzled. “We’re not looking for a door.”

“Then what are we looking for?” She offers him a drink.

“The best place to put a communications tower is as high up as you can construct it. I’m assuming at some point we’ll have to climb.”

“Climb? To the top of this range? Are you joking?”

“Unless the mining company provided its employees with jetpacks, in which case we may have already walked right past the station without realizing it.”

“You’re serious?” Rey is incredulous. “I brought tools in case anything needs repairing. But I didn’t bring rope or whatever you’d use to scale a sheer rock face.”

“Let’s keeping moving,” Ben suggests. “We’ll know better what we need or don’t need as soon as we find it.”

The sun is beating down, straight over their heads, when the ravine veers east. They clear an outcropping and have a first view of their destination. In the distance, a uniform line of metal rails has been driven into the cliff, forming a silver ladder up to the top of the formation. They can just make out a spiky array of antennae and dishes, bristling from a small structure. It’s carved into the side of the peak, making it difficult to see from the valley floor. If it weren’t for the ladder, Rey thinks, she might never have noticed it at all.

“We don’t appear to need ropes.”

“Wonderful,” Rey mutters. “Let’s hope we don’t have to haul anything back down.”

The rails seem securely attached to the cliff. Ben insists on going first. “Leave some space between us. That way if I start to fall, I won’t take you down with me. It’s a long way to the top, so we should plan to take a break or two as we go. Let’s switch packs. Yours is much heavier than the one I’m carrying.”

“And I’m a lot more used to climbing than you are. I’m fine, Ben, honestly. Let’s get this over with.”

The worst part of the ascent is the heat. Rey can feel the bare skin of her shoulders and neck burning. The metal rails are so painful to grasp that she stops to adjust her arm wrappings, covering her blistering palms. This has the added benefit of absorbing the moisture beading on her skin.

Ben tries to be careful, but the bars are embedded so close to the rock face that he jostles loose pebbles and dirt that fall into her hair and eyes. She wishes she had insisted on repairing the water shower before they made this trip, so it would be waiting for them when they get back.

Distracted by thoughts of the shower, her foot slips. The weight of her pack pulls at her viciously. She’s able to get an arm wrapped around a higher rail, to keep herself from falling. Ben’s terror rips through the bond and she hears him yelling her name almost before she has registered what is happening.

“Are you alright?” he calls once she is stable.

“Yes. It’s okay. We can keep going.”

“We should have tethered together,” he says angrily.

“No rope, remember? But you might have been right about switching packs.”

“We’re almost there. I can see the top. Please be careful.”

It takes them another ten minutes before Ben clears the final rung. When Rey is close enough that she can see his boots, he grabs her and hauls her up over the edge and into his arms. They are both coated in sweat and grime and salt. Neither cares.

“We might want to stay here tonight. I don’t relish the idea of climbing back down right away,” she pants against his collarbone. He nods, combing rubble from her hair with shaking fingers.  
  


~~~~~  
  


_Keep Out._

_Property of the Nupayuni Mining Consortium._

_Trespassers Will Be Prosecuted to the Fullest Extent of Imperial Law._

_  
_They slice through the door locks easily. Sunlight reveals the abandoned space, hollowed out of the rock. The air inside is stale. It’s like discovering a lost tomb.

“This technology is—

“Exactly what I was expecting.”

“—ancient.”

Ben crosses to what appears to be the main control panel. “It’s similar to what you salvaged out of destroyers?”

“It’s not as high-end as what the Empire was using, but it’s close enough that we can figure it out. I didn’t see any solar panels outside, did you?”

“No. The climate is probably too violent up here to make exterior panels practical. Did you notice how weather-beaten the antenna array is?” He is tracking the cables running along the floor to the back of the room. There’s a nearly invisible panel set into the wall, partially concealed by a solitary bunk.

“Did someone live here?” Rey asks in horror.

“The relay had to be manned,” Ben answers, pulling the bed back and slashing the wall panel away. “I wouldn’t want to hike out here and make that climb daily, would you?”

The cut section falls forward to reveal a cylindrical, ribbed power generator. “It’s a modified Eksoan. Looks like it was an antique before the Clone Wars broke out.”

“Sometimes those kinds of machines are the most reliable,” Rey counters, though she can’t help but hope—even after their long and dangerous trek—that the generator will not cooperate.

She’s disappointed. With a shudder, a whine, and a whiff of something acrid, the generator hums to life. The overhead lights flash on and all the surrounding consoles begin to blink and buzz.

“Why don’t you work on sorting out the antennae and dishes as best you can, and I’ll see what I can do in here?” Ben proposes.

It takes Rey a good portion of the afternoon to accomplish her task. The sun is low enough in the sky that she is working in the shade cast by the range. She’s glad of the cooler temperatures, but the skin on her shoulders is already scarlet and throbbing.

“Any luck?” she enquires, tossing her tool bag into the corner of the room.

“More than I expected.” He looks sober.

“What did you learn?”

“This equipment was never very sophisticated, even brand new. It’s capable of sending and receiving limited-range transmissions. I started by listening, casting as wide a net as I could. At first, I didn’t hear anything. Then I checked a First Order emergency broadcast signal. If the frequency or decryption code had been changed, that might be evidence they suspect I’m alive.”

“And?”

“And nothing has been altered, for whatever that’s worth. You were right, a search-and-rescue operation is underway just beyond Crait’s orbit. It’s not going well. There were heavy casualties. They haven’t recovered many survivors.”

“That’s awful. Truly. I’m sorry,” Rey says sincerely.

“There’s more. The Resistance—what’s left of it—did make it planetside. They’re barricaded into the other mining facility, a thousand kilometers north of here. The First Order is monitoring them. They’re planning to regroup and mount an attack soon.”

“Do you think the Resistance is expecting that?”

“I don’t know,” he answers. “I have no way of identifying or decoding their signals.”

“What do you think we should do?” she asks.

Ben rubs his face tiredly. “Go to bed.”  
  


~~~~~

  
Neither of them can sleep. The room is unventilated but Ben refuses to leave the door open even a crack. They are able to shut off the overhead lights, but the steady glow and irregular flashing of the various panel bulbs is impossible to ignore. The bunk is too narrow for both of them, and Rey’s sunburn aches so badly she can’t settle.

“Maybe I should move to the floor?” she offers.

“Do you want to sleep on the floor?”

“No, but I don’t want to keep you awake all night, either.”

“I can’t sleep regardless. You being away from me isn’t going to make me feel better.”

“Since we’re both awake, should we just talk it through?”

He sighs heavily. “If we must.”

“The way I see it, we have three options, all bad.”

“Start with the worst one so we can eliminate it quickly.”

“Alright, option one: you take advantage of the fact that the First Order apparently doesn’t suspect you in Snoke’s death and you contact them for a rescue. They come fetch you, maybe they crown you their new king or whatever, and you get on with ruling the galaxy. Maybe you can persuade them to call off the invasion, maybe you can’t. I start walking north to help fight you.”

Ben curls a hand into her wraps and tugs her nearer, giving her a bruising kiss. His eyes are dark and intense in the reflected glow. “I am never, _ever_ letting you go. Any plan that involves us being apart is off the table.”

“I agree. Which is why option two is not appealing to me. That’s the one where we try to warn the Resistance an attack is coming. They thank us by pressing me into service as their resident Jedi and putting you on trial for war crimes. Not only does this option not get us off Crait, it puts us right in the path of the First Order assault.”

Ben stretches an arm behind his head to allow them more room. “Assuming we could get word to them, that they have functional communication equipment. We might not have time to hike up there before an attack starts.”

“All true,” Rey mutters, wincing in discomfort as her shoulder rubs the wall.

“Option three?”

Rey feels her stomach twist in guilt. Her voice is small in the dark. “We do nothing. We go back to our compound, work on finding a food supply. The First Order and the Resistance keep fighting their endless war, without us. Eventually they both go away. Maybe next year we come back and put out a general distress call.”

Ben doesn’t respond. Rey’s words seem to echo in the darkness around them. She feels ashamed to have casually consigned so many people to death in her imagination, all because they were inconvenient to her personal happiness.

“You know you could never live with yourself if we did that,” he prompts gently. “And for better or worse, I’m not sure I could now.”

“So what do we do? I won’t give you up. I don’t care if it’s selfish. I’m not capable of the kind of self-sacrifice that people like your mother are.”

Ben sits up suddenly.

“What’s wrong? Did you hear something.”

“No,” he says absently, jumping up and taking a seat by the transmitter.

“Ben, what’s going on?”

He swivels the chair to look at her. “I know what I have to do.”

“What?”

“Be bold enough to embrace the unconventional solution. I have to get a message to my mother.”

“I thought we agreed the Resistance—”

“Not the Resistance, Rey. I need to reach out _to my mother_.”

She’s too surprised to speak. Ben begins typing as she watches in silence.

“Are you sure about this?” she questions. “What are you going to say?”

“I’m going to send an intra-complex message on one of these dedicated channels, marked for her eyes only. As long as they have a receiver of some kind, they should at least notice it. I’m going to warn her about the attack and tell her I know where her people can secure a long-term water supply, should they need one.”

Rey slides off the bunk and moves closer. “Even if she gets the message, she’ll eventually have to share the information with the rest of the Resistance. They’ll want to verify its source. Then they’ll want to arrest you.”

“I can’t let her die without trying to warn her, Rey. I owe her—” he looks up, begging her with his eyes to understand, “—at least that much. You told me to trust in her love. In the possibility of her forgiveness. I have to believe that she’ll know how best to handle the Resistance. To do whatever she needs to with the information to save lives. Even if it means they try to come for me later.” He lifts her hand where it hangs around his neck and kisses it. “They won’t succeed in that, believe me. But that’s a fight for another day.”

He is so resolute, so confident in his sudden purpose, that Rey finds herself believing that somehow, he has found the middle path they were seeking. His presence in the Force is more tranquil than she has ever known it to be.

One remaining question worries her.

“How will you convince her the message is real and not a trap? That it’s from you and you’ve truly had a change of heart?”

Ben finishes his warning with a decisive clatter of old, sticky keys.

“I think I know a way,” he says.

Rey skims the screen.

“What’s…Fulcrum?” she asks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Fulcrum" is a code name originated by Ahsoka Tano (to work with Bail Organa) and used by a handful of Rebel informants during the days of the Empire.
> 
> I was debating how realistic a ladder installed on a cliff face was, when I read about a village in China that made global news in 2016. A video got out of its children scaling a 2,600 foot (800 meter) cliff on vine ladders to go to school. The Chinese government first replaced the vines with an equally scary metal ladder, then recently decided to relocate all the villagers into funded housing in the valley below. [Images.](https://www.cnn.com/2016/10/26/asia/china-terrifying-school-run-ladder/index.html)
> 
> We're currently early in the morning of day nine.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who has read and commented! This story has gotten more response than anything else I have published here, and it has been *thrilling.*

When Rey wakes up, she’s alone on the bunk.

The door to the station is propped open and what sky is visible is a subtle shade of pinkish-gold. The mildest breath of dawn is stirring. She has only just registered that Ben is nowhere to be seen when she hears from outside, “I’m here.”

He’s sitting on the edge of the cliff, surveying the horizon for the coming sunrise. His hair lifts and falls around his face, caught in the updraft from the canyon. For a moment, she leans in the doorway just watching him.

Ben feels her gaze and the tug of their connection. He reaches out a hand, beckoning her closer. She climbs carefully into the space between his legs and pulls his arms around her.

“You’d better stop doing that, or I’m going to start expecting it all the time.”

“Doing what?” he asks, rubbing her cheek with his own.

“Knowing exactly what I want before I even have time to think the thought myself.”

“I like being what you want,” he murmurs. He presses his lips to Rey’s shoulder, and she hisses quietly through her teeth.

“Sorry. I haven’t had a burn this bad in a long time.”

He runs a finger lightly along the angry curve. “I should have been more careful. I was just thinking about this.”

“About my sunburn?” she laughs. But he’s examining her with a serious expression, tracing the skin so delicately it makes her shiver. “There’s no need to fuss. Certainly no need to waste medical supplies, if that’s what you were thinking.”

He shakes his head absently. “That’s not what I was thinking.” He glances up, tucking a long strand of blowing hair behind her ear. “Do you trust me?”

“Yes.” Her tone makes clear how foolish Rey considers the question.

“I want to try something.” He hesitates. “It may not work.”

He molds his hands to the slope of her shoulders. She can feel the expansion of his chest against her back with each deep, even breath.

At first, she isn’t sure what he is doing. A peculiar, prickling sensation gathers in all the places he is touching her, slowly seeping down her arms and back, and climbing up her neck. Her own breath falls into easy rhythm with his. The atmosphere around them is agitated, as if the air is circling faster here than in the land beyond.

It’s a heady sort of rush, like falling from an unexpected height. He is there to steady her when she comes back into herself. His fingers are spread across her back, and the bond purrs with his satisfaction. It’s laced with something else, too—amazement. He can’t quite believe what he has done.

Ben gathers her hair so she can see that her skin is no longer vividly red or hot to the touch. The sensitivity and tightness are gone. He looks very pleased with himself.

“What did you do?”

“Force healing.”

“Force _healing_? I didn’t know any such thing existed. Why did we go through all those bacta pads? Why didn’t you just mend your leg?”

“I’ve never been able to do it before.”

She isn’t sure what to make of that. “Why can you do it now?”

“According to Jedi lore, the ability to heal is rooted in the deepest, most sacred form of compassion. Unconditional love.” The beauty of his eyes is only magnified by the sentiment she reads in them. “The dark side of the Force feeds on pain. It uses it as fuel for anger, to create more power.”

She remembers him in the forest on Starkiller Base, brutalizing himself again and again as his blood spotted the lovely snow. She witnessed his soul splitting apart that night, wracked with guilt and shame and regret over Han, but she hadn’t understood that at the time. “And more pain,” she whispers. He nods.

“You’ll have to teach me how to do it, so I can heal you,” she says.

Ben slips his hand around her neck, pulling her forehead to his. “You already did.”

Sunlight erupts across the vast salt plain. The world is transformed. How strange, Rey thinks, to have come to such a desolate place to truly feel alive for the first time.  
  


~~~~~

  
“No response?” she asks, gesturing toward the station. Ben shakes his head.

“So we don’t know if she even received the message.”

“I think she did.” He stares into the distance. “I felt… _something_ late last night. I can’t really explain it. It was like she was focused on me strongly enough that I sensed it. Not trying to making contact. Just thinking about me.”

“If she got the message but didn’t answer, what does that mean? She doesn’t believe it’s genuine?”

“I’m not sure,” he admits. “Maybe she’s trying to decide how best to respond.”

“Then we should stay.”

“Probably, but we’re almost out of ration bars. We’ve only got enough for one day, maybe two if we’re judicious.”

Rey looks out over the stony surface of the range, stretching unbroken as far as she can see. “I don’t imagine there’s much to hunt up here. We’re going back down the bloody ladder, aren’t we?”

He chuckles. “We don’t have to worry about that for the moment.”

Rey shrugs. “There’s nothing much else to do up here.”

Ben kisses the side of her jaw, once, twice, three times. “Nothing?”

“That bunk isn’t big enough for a porg.” She can’t help but giggle.

“I have no idea what a porg is.” His fingers slip under the fabric of her shirt. “But we’ll figure it out.”

“You always say that,” she says breathily.

“Because we always do.”

They are about to make their way back into the station when Ben goes still.

“What is it?” she asks.

He climbs carefully up from the ledge and circles around the communications tower to get a clearer view of the northern sky. “I’m not sure. I think…”

Rey senses it too, a heartbeat before she sees the speck on the horizon, racing toward them and getting larger every second.

Ben’s face is white, his whole frame rigid with terror. He looks as though he wants to bolt, or fling himself off the cliff. There is only one person in the galaxy that could cause that reaction in him.

Leia Organa is on that ship.

A shabby little transport approaches the station and lands neatly on a flat outcropping. It takes a long time for the hatch to open. Rey wonders if Leia is struggling to compose herself, as Ben clearly is.

The door finally slides back and she is there, looking both smaller and older than the last time Rey saw her on D’Qar. She uses a walking stick to navigate the ramp and uneven terrain between them. She drinks in the sight of Ben, then spots Rey, and her face is a mix of surprise and happiness.

“Well,” she says mildly, “I don’t know if this makes everything clearer or more confusing.”

Leia makes a step toward her son, who seems unable to move or speak.

“Ben,” her voice shakes a little. “You’re so tall.”

Rey realizes she doesn’t know how many years have passed since they last saw each other. Surely it wasn’t when Ben was sent away to study with Luke? That would be twenty years apart.

“I don’t have much time, son.” Leia shakes her head sadly. “I’ve said that to you your whole life, haven’t I? I’m sorry.”

Ben is trembling with the effort of not moving. Still he says nothing.

“It was good of you to come,” Rey offers. “We weren’t sure you would get the message.”

“My aide, Lieutenant Connix, brought it to me late last night. She explained that it originated inside the mining network. That narrowed the possible locations down. Then I just…followed my instincts.”

Of course. Leia is Force-sensitive, too. Like her father, her twin brother, and her son. It makes perfect sense.

“You knew it was from us? From Ben, I mean.”

Leia glances from Rey to Ben, and back again. She is clearly trying to understand the nature of the relationship between them.

“Yes, I knew it was from Ben. Didn’t you explain Fulcrum to her?”

It’s as though he is frozen in carbonite. He can’t take his eyes off his mother’s face.

“He said it was an old Rebel code name.”

Leia gazes at her son, her expression unbearably tender. “When Ben was a little boy, he would beg me to tell him bedtime stories about the Rebellion. He loved the adventure of it. One of his favorite games was playing Fulcrum and passing me ‘secret’ information. What the house droid was up to, what we were having for lunch, where I could find his…his father.”

Ben makes a strangled sound. Before Rey grasps what is happening, Leia has dropped her cane, covered the final distance between them, and yanked Ben into an embrace. He is shaking and sobbing, bending his massive body around her petite one.

“I know, I know,” Leia murmurs, as he chokes out words of sorrow and regret that Rey cannot hear. She grips him fiercely, tears running down her own cheeks. Then she pushes him back so she can look into his eyes. “Listen to me. You’re my son, and I love you. That will never change. Your father loved you. More than anything, we both wanted you home. And here you are. Away from Snoke. That’s all that matters to me right now.”

When Ben doesn’t offer up the information, Rey explains, “Snoke is dead. Ben killed him to save my life.”

Leia is staggered. “Chewie told me you insisted on being brought to the _Supremacy_. That you claimed you were going to ‘save Ben.’ I knew _you_ were still alive—” she touches her son’s cheek lovingly, “—but we weren’t sure what happened to you, Rey.”

“It’s a long story,” Rey responds.

“One I want to hear every word of. But right now, my chief concern is protecting both of you. Like I said, we don’t have much time.” She questions Ben, “Does the First Order know you killed Snoke? Do they know you’re alive?”

“I don’t think so,” he manages.

“I presume you two ended up here after the _Supremacy_ was destroyed? An escape shuttle, maybe?” They both nod.

“You must have made your way to one of the other mining facilities, since you wrote about a water supply.”

“Yes,” Ben agrees. His voice is steadier. “It’s straight south down this ravine. Less than twenty kilometers from here. We found a map that showed us the other bases and this array two days ago. We hiked here yesterday.”

“Ben was able to access an encrypted channel. That’s how we learned the Resistance was here. And that the First Order was planning to attack you.”

“We already know about that,” Leia says calmly, “that’s what I came to tell you. As soon as we landed on Crait, we put out a distress call to our allies. Chewie found us with your homing beacon, Rey, and he’s been smuggling us in supplies and munitions. We’ve even managed to get some additional ships docked whenever the planet is between us and First Order sensors. I called in a few favors and Lando Calrissian is putting a fighter fleet together for us. It’s cloaked behind the farthest moon in the system.”

“That’s wonderful,” Rey cries.

Leia tells her, “Your friend Finn managed to get himself onboard the _Supremacy_ and brought us back a small group of defecting stormtroopers. They’ve been helping us gather intelligence. Finn’s working with some of my contacts to try and incite a wider uprising among the rank and file.” She winks at Ben. “You picked a good moment to leave.”

He doesn’t seem particularly impressed by anything Leia is telling them. “You’re just going to sit here and wait for them to attack? You think that’s a wise decision? Because you’ve managed to get hold of a few relics like this?” He motions toward the transport.

“The First Order is significantly weakened,” Leia argues. “The galaxy is enraged over what happened to the Hosnian system. Starkiller Base is gone and now they’ve lost the _Supremacy_ and most of their destroyer fleet for the entire Outer Rim. One more defeat could very well be the end of them.”

“One more battle,” Ben snaps. “You’ve been saying _that_ my entire life, too.”

“You’re right,” she sighs. “I have. Believe me, no one is more tired of fighting than I am. But I have people to protect. So here’s what’s going to happen now. You and Rey are going to take this transport and put as much distance between yourself and Crait as you possibly can—”

“What are you talking about? We’re not taking your ship and leaving you out here,” Ben barks.

“Son, give me a little credit, will you? I have it all worked out. I took this ship knowing I was giving it to you. Connix helped me stock it with some provisions. I told Chewie exactly where I was going. He’ll be coming to bring me back to the base before anyone else knows I’m gone.”

“Why are you doing this?” he demands, bewildered. He looks as though he wants to cry again.

“I told you. You’re my son and I love you. I’ve lost enough people for a hundred lifetimes. I won’t lose you, too. I will tell the Resistance that I’ve helped a high-level informant escape Crait, and in exchange we now have an additional facility, a water supply, and—” she gives him a questioning look, “—the encryption codes for a First Order comm channel?” Ben nods in agreement. “That’s a fair exchange by any measure.”

Leia extends a hand to Rey, who readily takes it. “If you want your part in this, what little I know about it, kept quiet I will. If you want me to let Finn know that I have evidence you’re alive and well, I’ll do that, too. Chewie was ecstatic when I told him.”

Rey’s throat tightens. She and Finn had so little time together, but his friendship is important to her. “Please tell him I’m alive. I’ll try to contact him and explain everything as soon as I can.”

“I know he’ll be overjoyed to hear it. He’ll be a little busy in the short term, bringing down an authoritarian regime.” Her eyes are tired but still bright.

Leia grabs hold of Ben’s hand. She is still holding Rey’s.

“Now, I want both of you off this planet before either the First Order _or_ the Resistance figures out you’re alive. Ben, you and I have a lot to talk through and when all this is over, I intend to do exactly that.” She pauses, trying to decide whether to reveal something else. “Luke sent me a message, through Artoo. He told me what really happened that night at the temple.” Ben tries to back away, almost instinctively protecting himself from her words, but she keeps a firm grip on him. “I mean it, Ben. I want to talk _everything_ through and make things right between us. When you two find someplace safe, send me word. I’ll come visit.”

He’s shaking his head, clearly not able to process this sudden and massive shift in his relationship with his mother. “I can’t accept…I don’t deserve this…not from you…”

“It’s not about deserve—” Leia contends, but Rey interrupts quietly.

“Ben.” He looks at her as though just realizing she is standing with them. “When someone wants to be there for you,” she says meaningfully, “you should let them.”

She’s reminding him of his own words, of how important it would have been to the course of his life if his mother had ever supported him—even one time—in an hour of need. And now Leia is standing in front of him, desperate to do just that, and he is rejecting her offer.

Ben swallows hard. “Thank you,” he says gruffly.

He leads the older woman into the station to share what he knows about First Order protocols. They are gone for several moments, and when they come out, both have been crying. Not wanting to intrude on their remaining time, Rey keeps a respectful distance.

But Leia’s eyes sparkle as she links arms with the younger woman, walking her to the ship. “I really can’t wait to hear that long story.” She pulls Rey in for a hug and whispers, “Take care of yourself. Take care of him.”

“I will. Thank you for everything. You and Chewie.”

“When I come for that visit, I’m sure he’ll want to be my pilot.”

Rey steals a glance at Ben, who is standing stiffly by the hatch. “Please do.”

Leia turns to the northern sky. Another ship is in flight on the far horizon.

“Time to go,” she advises.

Ben is rooted to the spot. “Mom…” he begins, voice quavering, but can’t finish.

Her smile is luminous. “I know. The Force will be with you always, my beautiful boy. Now go and live.”  
  


~~~~~

  
They fly in silence for a long time.

Rey is overwhelmed by the heaviness inside Ben. Guilt and shame are his constant companions but now there is something new, the disgrace of being unworthy of Leia’s forgiveness and generosity. He can no longer smother his emotions under a blanket of anger or a self-righteous sense of betrayal. They are threatening to drown him.

Her stomach picks that unfortunate moment to rumble loudly. “I’m hungry,” she says apologetically. “Why don’t I go see if I can find us something to eat?”

She makes her way to the back of the small cargo hold to rifle through an assortment of storage containers piled there. But the first thing her eye falls on is a familiar object, leaning in the corner.

“I have good and bad news,” she calls, returning to the cockpit. “The good news is that Chewie must have found my quarterstaff on the _Falcon_ , because it’s here.”

“And the bad news?” he questions.

She fans out a handful of ration bars, smiling mischievously. Ben groans.

“Where are we going?” she asks, more than anything to keep him talking.

“I’m not sure. I wasn’t expecting to suddenly leave the planet this morning.”

“I know. I was just trying to remember if we left anything behind.” Rey imagines the Resistance finding the tools they repaired, the maps they scattered, the bed they shared. It makes her rather sad.

“What about Jakku? Did you leave anything there you’d like to go back for?”

“No,” she answers firmly. She is done with Jakku, with wallowing in the past. Her focus from now on is building a future. “What about the place you showed me in your dream?”

He considers the suggestion. “I would like to take you there someday. But for right now I don’t think it’s a good idea. The Crait and Naboo systems aren’t that far apart. My family history is well-known there. It’s not impossible I’d be recognized. I’m sorry.”

“There are tens of thousands of planets to choose from. The only question is, how to choose?”

Ben flicks a few switches on the console, and a holo of a galactic star chart materializes in front of them. “Close your eyes,” he instructs. “Concentrate on the map. Let the Force guide our choice.”

Rey does as he suggests. She opens her mind to the currents of energy flowing through and around them. Though she is not conscious of moving, when she opens her eyes, her hand is raised and pointing at a tiny blue dot on the farthest edge of the projection.

Ben smirks. “My mother suggests we get as far away from Crait as possible, and you pick a planet on the opposite side of the galaxy. What’s it called?”

She expands the map in search of more detailed information. “Lah’mu. It’s in the Raioballo sector of the Outer Rim. I’ve never heard of it, have you?”

He’s wide-eyed in disbelief. “Not only have I heard of it, I’ve been there. When I was a teenager, I went there once on a mission. With Luke.”

“What’s it like?”

The weight pressing on his heart begins to dissipate, just a little. “It’s one of the most beautiful places I’ve ever seen, Rey. Green and lush. Very remote, not many settlers on the entire planet. We could build a life there.” He looks over at her, unexpectedly vulnerable. “If that’s still what you want.”

Rey drops the ration bars to the floor. She crosses the small aisle between them and climbs gracefully onto Ben’s lap. He’s watching her intently, eyes dark with love and longing. “That’s exactly what I want,” she reassures him. “It’s what I wanted when I asked you to come away with me, even though I couldn’t see the path forward then.”

“We figured it out,” he says, voice rough with desire.

She threads her fingers through his hair and kisses him, slow and deep.

“We always do,” she whispers.  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We've all had the "canoodling on the terraces of Varykino" fantasy, but for my money, Lah'mu--where the Erso family is hiding at the beginning of "Rogue One"--is one of the most beautiful locations ever featured in a SW movie. (Possibly because it was filmed in Iceland, which IMHO is one of the most spectacular places on planet Earth.)
> 
> One of the (many) things that infuriated me in TROS was the idea that no one responded when General Leia Organa called for help, but the entire galaxy came running for...Lando Calrissian? No. Just no. Correcting that was one of the true pleasures of writing this chapter.


End file.
